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Tag: #mumisbest

#MumisBest Guest Post – Becca from My Girls & Me!

#MumisBest Guest Post – Becca from My Girls & Me!

Welcome to another instalment of my new guest series #MumisBest!  #MumisBest is all about the ever-growing SAHM/working mum debate.  I really want this series to highlight that there’s no right or wrong way, but whatever works for you and you family.  If you’d like to take part do get in touch, I’d love to hear from you!  For now I will leave you in the hands of Becca from My Girls & Me!

I have always seen what working with children is like as both my parents have done it.  My mum and dad used to work long shifts to support us and they always looked so exhausted. I knew what they were doing and that was giving me and my sisters what we needed by going to work. We always had clothes on our back, food in our bellies and we were always warm.

I have never wanted to have children. There were enough in the family to keep me happy ha-ha! But I ended up having a surprise pregnancy and I was in love, now I can’t help but want more babies! When I had my first, Rosie, I was still full time in school so I got a weekend job at our local pub/restaurant as a waitress. It wasn’t a lot of hours nor was it brilliant pay but I will felt like I was trying for my baby girl.

After a year or so I had some major health problems which made me leave work. I was then off work for 2 years. I finished my GCSE’s and tried 6th form, but my health problems set me back so I was a SAHM.  I loved it; I loved being home all day every day with my babe! Even though sometimes I was extremely bored and we just couldn’t afford to do anything exciting. I loved being at home and watching my kids grow.

Now time has moved on I have started to miss the aspect of work. I applied for many jobs around my home town as I can’t drive and I got an interview at my local restaurant, as a cleaner in the mornings. I started of small but at the time I was debating whether or not to go for a job with longer hours, including the cleaning job. But at the time it seemed too much to be doing up to 60 hours a week. Plus I’m breastfeeding so it would have been really difficult to pump and make sure Miyah still latched to me and we still had that bond.

As time has gone on and we have had a few more setbacks it does seem like a good idea to start working more hours to get that extra income. My partner will be the SAHF and to us that’s fine. We like being ‘odd’ in a sense as you don’t see stay at home fathers very often.

Thank you for reading,

Becca x

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#MumisBest Guest Post – Jo from Cup of Toast

#MumisBest Guest Post – Jo from Cup of Toast

Welcome to another instalment of my new guest series #MumisBest!  #MumisBest is all about the ever-growing SAHM/working mum debate.  I really want this series to highlight that there’s no right or wrong way, but whatever works for you and you family.  If you’d like to take part do get in touch, I’d love to hear from you!  For now I will leave you in the hands of Jo from Cup of Toast!

Being a ‘SAHM’

I am a stay at home mum, whatever that really means. I’m saying it here purely for context.

The reality is that I don’t stay at home very much. I whizz about on school runs, grocery trips and visits to parks, farms and pet stores. I organise our household, including any work that needs to be done to the fabric of the house, the decorating, the DIY, the ironing, meal planning and more. I arrange extra-curricular activities for our boys. I attend health related meetings for Munch, undertake voluntary work and read relevant government policies and initiatives whilst simultaneously keeping little people amused (although nowhere near as professionally as the likes of Licia Ronzulli!). I budget all of our variable expenditure to within a penny. Birthday presents and parties are all left to me to arrange. I’m as busy as I was at the height of my career, but is that what being a stay at home mum is all about? I wager that it’s not. Surely every parent whatever their working status undertakes these matters?

So this is what it means to me. It’s a label. Nothing more, nothing less. It’s about as important as saying that I’m brunette. Or that I have freckles on my skin. That I’m female. It’s just a label. A form of identification for those form hungry companies that need you to say what you ‘do’. To them, I’m a stay at home mum. Sometimes I’m a housewife. Often I’m unemployed. I’ve gone past the point of being particular about which box I tick or what I tell people. I’ve largely given up mentioning what I did before I had children, or pointing out that I worked part time for a couple of years when Chief was young. I even brush a lot of my pro bono work under the carpet. If other people want to focus on my stay at home mum status that’s fine, but please excuse me if to me it’s just a phrase.

For a while it did infuriate me. That people assume that my husband earns mega bucks made me cross. Comments along the lines of what I could afford were all based on assumptions, not reality. One person suggested that I could donate a large sum of money to a charity in need of help because I must be able to afford it as I didn’t work? Another questioned my priorities when it came to budgeting our income. Not going out for meals but being able to splurge on my family.

I have mum guilt just as much as the next person. I always put pressure on myself to work harder with our budget and resources, to manage my time smarter. At the moment it’s trying to find quality one to one time with each of my three children, to make sure that they know that I’m interested in them, and that I’m listening to them. That I am there to support them with their school work, their hobbies, their development. Others might be struggling to fit in trips to see extended family around their regular weekend commitments, or staying up until the early hours slaving over a hot oven in order to support their local school at a cake sale. Some might worry every day whether or not they’ll be able to escape the office in time to get home and put their children to bed. We all have various pressures, and seek to find a balance in managing them. So really, regardless of what we do with our waking hours, we’re all the same. We’re all parents.

You see, here’s the thing. I don’t wear a badge telling others that I’m vegetarian. I don’t say that I’m actively trying to reduce my dairy intake. I don’t have a stamp on my head to say that I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. So why make a big deal out of being a stay at home mum? Why make it into a ‘thing’? We’re all doing our best, whatever that might look like. Whether we work full time, part time or not at all. Day shifts or night shifts, we are all making compromises. But there’s one thing that we all definitely have in common. We are all lucky. Lucky that we are getting to make these choices, or consider them. Lucky that we are in this position as parents in the first place. And that, surely, is all that should matter.
Bio:

Jo blogs at Cup of Toast about her family life, food, adventures and everything in between. She is a mama to 3 boys (aged 6, 4 and 2) and several fur babies. Jo enjoys reading, writing and eating biscuits!

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#MumisBest Guest Post – Lisa from Pass the Prosecco…Please

#MumisBest Guest Post – Lisa from Pass the Prosecco…Please

Welcome to another instalment of my new guest series #MumisBest!  #MumisBest is all about the ever-growing SAHM/working mum debate.  I really want this series to highlight that there’s no right or wrong way, but whatever works for you and you family.  If you’d like to take part do get in touch, I’d love to hear from you!  For now I will leave you in the hands of Lisa from Pass the Prosecco…Please!

 

I jumped at the chance to write this guest post for The Tale of Mummyhood as #MumIsBest is something I feel very passionate about.

When you give birth to a child, however they are born or indeed in some situations come into your life through surrogacy or adoption, you become a mum.

You have a small person who occupies your every waking thought and you love them more than anything else in the world.

When my son was six months old I knew I had to make a decision about when I returned to work; statutory maternity pay was rubbish and we could barely afford to pay our bills.  I knew I did not want to return to my former career in IT; the stresses and strains of a corporate lifestyle was not of interest to me; as nice as the pay was my outlook changed as soon as my son was born.

I found work in a local supermarket and thought I would be happy – I was earning good money and working hours that fitted around my husband so we had no issues with childcare.

Unfortunately I was employed on a ‘flexi’ contract and the terms of it didn’t fit well as time progressed.  Finding a job that fits around childcare is more of a challenge than childbirth I swear.

But I wasn’t happy; I always thought once I became a mum I would throw my everything into motherhood and being a housewife and my career and job would no longer be important.  This wasn’t true for me – I needed stimulation and work gave me that; I didn’t want to stay home all the time, I wanted to go to work and earn some money for my family.  I could have gone back to my previous job but extreme stress had destroyed me before and I didn’t want to go there again, I wanted and needed a clean break.

I found a job at a local dental practice working on the reception desk, and loved it straight away.  I qualified as a Dental Nurse in 2005 and I loved being back in the health sector.  I expected to go back to nursing but I sustained damage in my hands from carpal tunnel syndrome in pregnancy and have been unable to return to dental nursing.  I figured it’s probably best not to be trusted with sharp implements when my grip has a mind of its own…

I work roughly 18 hours a week over two days, Monday’s and Tuesday’s.  I’m lucky to have my parents living close by and my mum is off the same days I work to look after the wee man.  My dad is retired and wants a quiet life bless him – but William and him are like chalk and cheese and have such a wonderful bond.

I enjoy reception and administration work within my job and although I am unsure where my career path ahead lies, I enjoy adult conversation and being called ‘Lisa’ and not just ‘William’s mum’.

I have to work and I’m really lucky to be in the situation I am in, we qualify for no benefits despite our income being fairly rubbish and there is no way we can afford childcare, we wouldn’t even make any money after paying for it.  William is 3 in November and the next step for us is preschool, which I’m keen to start but not able to afford currently.

Unfortunately when your child reaches 9 months to a year and maternity leave officially finishes you no longer become ‘mum’ and you have to be tarred with some other god awful title.

Stay at home mum, full time mum, working mum, career mum – you HAVE to be one of them.

I’m a part-time-working full-time mum.  I don’t conform and I refuse to – it doesn’t matter if you work 2 hours or 60, when work ends you still have to go home and be mum, and lets face it, even at work you never stop thinking and worrying – it’s a huge juggle.

Hats off to stay at home mums(there was no avoiding the term – sorry) – I could not do it.  Being at home is stressful, I will happily admit I can’t hack it.  As tough as it is working two days and fitting chores in, being at home all day every day is hard and you mums don’t get enough credit.

So what do I think is best?  Personally when I meet another mum I couldn’t give a damn whether she works or not; I couldn’t care less if she wants to work or not, has to work or not.

She’s a mum and mum’s do whatever is best, who are we to judge.  We are one big sisterhood after all.

A mum is a mum and whatever she thinks, decides and ultimately does; it is always in her child/children’s best interest.

 

Bio:

Hello! I’m Lisa, a 30-something mum of one, wife, undomestic goddess and blog-brains behind Pass the Prosecco… Please.

I love to write and I generally blog about parenting, my mental health issues and food.  Expect the good, the bad and the downright ugly!

 

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