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Is Female Success Only Judged by Achievements in the Workplace?

Is Female Success Only Judged by Achievements in the Workplace?

If you’ve been reading this blog of mine for a while, you’ll know that I’m in a constant battle with myself about work. The individual in me wants to hold down a full-time job, bring in a full-time wage and rise through the ranks. Whilst the parent in me, wants to spend every waking minute with my children, to make sure I’m bringing them up as soundly as I possibly can. What struck me and unsettled me recently, was the realisation that some people only judge female success on achievements in the workplace. Leaving being successful as a mother down by the wayside.

The reason this bothers me so much is that even though I go back and forth regarding my own work situation, deep down I know I’ll always be a mother first. I’m not prepared to go back into full-time work, outside of the home until they are old enough to look after themselves. I’m not ashamed of that, but sometimes I am made to feel a little insignificant. I was recently told that I ‘still have time to make my mark’, but what if my children are my mark? What if bringing them up to be happy, stable and respectful human beings is very best achievement of my life?

Am I privileged or lazy?

When I’m in conversation with working mums, they often refer to my situation as ‘privileged’. They think that because I stay at home, I am somehow married to a millionaire who keeps the little housewife. This just isn’t the case. Becoming a stay at home mother takes a lot of sacrifice. It’s a team effort. If i didn’t work hard in the home, my husband wouldn’t be able to work hard outside of the home. I don’t get to go out everyday and ‘do lunch‘, in fact some days I’m that busy I don’t get to eat lunch at all.

Others think that I just don’t want to work. That it’s easier to stay at home, rather than bring in the bacon. If that were the case, I wouldn’t have put all of this effort into building up an online business. One that means I can still be a stay at home mum, but also means I can still be recognised as a ‘worker’. As a side note, whoever thinks staying at home with children is for the lazy among us, is very much mistaken. Children are hard work.

You do get some people who understand what I do. They understand what it takes to bring up children and to give up a huge part of yourself to do so. Even though they seem to understand, I still feel my status as a female would be markedly higher if I had a working role outside of the home. Mother’s get judgement and sometimes empathy, whereas working mothers get celebrated.

Someone came up to me on the school run recently, handed me a leaflet and said ‘you don’t do anything once you leave here do you?’ It was for a group that I would obviously be able to attend as I’m not a ‘working mother’, I should surely be grateful for something to do with my time. I’ve no doubt that this wasn’t meant at all maliciously, but I have to admit that it cut me a little bit. I DO work hard, it just appears that all I am is a mum and you can’t judge success on that.

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21 Replies to “Is Female Success Only Judged by Achievements in the Workplace?”

  1. I recently wrote a post about this myself. I am pretty sure most parents in the playground pressume I only do my hour shift a day as a midday supervisor (yeah right for 110 per month!) I had a job for 16 years but decided only last year to register as self employed and as you well know, we as online bloggers, we work 7 days a week.

  2. I feel you! I hate it when people assume that I’m not bust just because I spend most of my time at home. They have no idea that being a work-at-home-mom is a lot more challenging than it may seem.

  3. I think this is the same thing in case of male as well these days. Somewhat the difference is a little towards more to female due to social acceptance and cultural background.

  4. It makes me wonder if those who make those types of comments are either envious of the situation they do not have, or have never stayed at home with children of various ages for any period of time to understand that it is indeed the most difficult ‘job’ ever.

  5. That is an interesting topic that you are discussing. I agree it is a team effort when you have the mom staying at home. This is something new we have started with our family with my wife leaving her full time job to stay at home. Teamwork is very important.

  6. This is an interesting read. There are so many achievements outside of the workplace and I really think we need to start empowering each other.

  7. Don’t under-estimate women of the world. We may be the girls inside but we are strong enough to face sudden things 🙂 LEt’s make the world a better place ! Thanks for sharing this!

  8. This is definitely something to ponder. So many women do not work outside of the home or are full time homemakers. Their success should definitely be measured differently – but should not be ignored.

  9. I really admire stay at home mums. Just the fact that they give up so much time for their families is amazing and they should not be looked down on for not going out and doing a 9-5 job because you are doing a 24 hour job 🙂

  10. I relate to this so much! Not only do I work hard to raise my children, I also work hard to support my husband. He is able to be more successful at his job because he can focus all of his edgy on it. If I had a full-time job outside the home, I would not have that same level of support.

  11. You can’t ever win. I think you just have to measure your own success and if your children are growing up to be happy and healthy then you’ve done a great job! Being a stay at home mum is bloody hard work and relentless. I’ve just gone back to part time work and while I love my job, I can see the effect it has on my youngest me not being there and it tears me apart.

  12. It hurts when woman are judged by others. It is disturbing how others would be held to every single word they say. It is important that we support women empowerment and equality even in our workplace.

  13. The reality is, Woman is judged everywhere. We can have our own opinion. We have the rights to express what inside of our mind. But remember, not everyone are the same. We should be sensitive of what we are going to say.

  14. Wow, that’s so brave! I can never go on for work now that my kid is a toddler. Such an informative post about all the struggles, very positive!

  15. You are an amazing woman!

    I used to think before, why my mom didn’t work at all. I used to be jealous of my friends because they have a super mom working in a cruise ship, bank, and hospitals while my mom just stay at home. But now, I came to realize that I wouldn’t be here if not because of her, she made me who I am now. I appreciate all the hard work & support she had given me. She is my biggest fan!

    I salute you

    God bless

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