This blog of mine has brought with it many an opportunity. One of the most enlightening though was a chance meeting with a Child Clinical Psychologist. At the time I was having a tough time with our youngest. I was stuck in a cycle of not feeling like I was giving her enough and thinking that there was something underlying, that would need professional attention.
Feeling like you aren’t enough for your child is a a horrible and exhausting thing. Back then everything I tried didn’t seem to make the cut. She was short tempered, frequently upset and threw tantrums like I’d never seen before. I was convinced that I had been working too much. I must have been spending too much time on my laptop, failing to be present, for her to be so different from our first. As it turns out she isn’t that much different, she just needed a little time to find her feet.
Parental flaws –
The world we live in is scary for us as adults, never mind for our children. Until recently, I don’t think I had fully considered how overwhelming life can be for a three year old. Day to day happenings that are normal for us, can be terrifying when you’re new to the world. I know how I feel when I get scared, I can’t imagine how much more intense that feeling is for someone so small with far less experience of their surroundings.
After chatting to such a knowledgeable professional, I realised that our daughter’s reaction to the world is completely normal. I do believe that not being present enough was a major parenting flaw of mine the second time around, so I’ve made a conscious effort to down tools whilst the girls are around. It’s a tough one because I want them to know that it’s important to have a strong work ethic, but I also want them to have my undivided attention when they need it the most.
Now that they’re at school every morning this has become easier to achieve. I get three solid hours Monday through to Friday, to focus solely on my work. It’s time that I’ve needed, as I know I’ve fallen behind in the world of blogging. I remember the same psychologist telling me that all I had to do was keep things ‘ticking over’ until our family dynamics changed. This hasn’t been an easy task and I’m so happy that things have evolved, giving me the freedom to be ‘me’, for a few hours a day at least.
Talking sense –
One of the most important things I realised whilst on this particular away day, was that actually I knew what I needed to do. I knew that I had to take a step back from my blog, just until the littlest started nursery. I knew that she needed my attention and that I’d never be able to get the time back. Changes had to be made and when I look back over the last year, I know that I made the right decision.
Don’t get me wrong, the kid still isn’t perfect and neither am I. We both make mistakes and we both continue to learn from them. What I do know, is that I’m present when it matters the most. I’ve learnt how to balance my work and home life, something which has had a hugely positive impact on the family as a whole.