When I began writing this blog our children were tiny. I blogged about how difficult parenting was and how having two under one was harder than I could ever have imagined. Back then, it seemed like I was swamped. Like I would never emerge from the baby bubble and begin living a ‘normal’ life again. How wrong I was. For now I’m about to hand my youngest daughter over to nursery each morning. One more step along the world she goes and that means I’m leaving the baby bubble well and truly behind me.
I’m finding it so hard to believe that school is upon us. Where did that time go? A cliché I know, but it flies. The sleepless nights are gone. The nappies, bottles and dummies are no more. They don’t have sides on their beds and they take themselves to the toilet. It’s the end of an era and one that a part of me isn’t ready to leave behind. Sadness looms if I sit and think about the littlest going to school. My world is going to change just as abruptly as it did when the biggest was born. Literally, overnight.
Shes ready for the world –
Taking a step back, it’s easy to see just how ready the littlest is to start school. At this stage her speech is excellent, she’s eager to make friends and socialise with children her own age. She’s almost envious of her sister, who already gets to go to nursery each day. When we drop her off, the littlest doesn’t want to leave. Her feet are firmly under the table and getting her back out of the door has become more of a challenge as the weeks have passed. Her frustration at home is a definite sign that she’s ready for more. It’s as though she’s reached the point in her little life, whereby I just can’t give her enough.
It makes me sad to think that she’s outgrown me, just like her sister did. When I look at her sister now, I know that ‘outgrown‘ is the wrong word to use. They’re simply growing up and they need their lives enriching in ways that can’t be achieved at home. Things like discipline from another responsible adult, making friends, learning that not everyone is nice, meeting people from families different to our own and respecting them for their differences are all a vital part of growing up. The biggest has proven that school is an essential learning curve and for this reason I know I shouldn’t feel sad.
Over-thinking it –
In my heart of hearts I know I’m over-thinking it. Nursery will take three hours out of her day. Three short hours that I’m sure will feel like half of the time, especially when I use it to work. I know I’m prone to over-thinking things, analysing them to the nth degree. I know that I always think the worst, but more often that not things turn out just fine. It’s one more step along the world for me too. It’s time for me to take some time to concentrate on myself, to do the things that I want and need to do in my own life. In all honesty, most of that time will be spent working. In the last four years, the freedom to work without restriction and interruption has been the thing I’ve missed most of all.