#MumisBest Guest Post – Ali from Instant Mum of Two

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Welcome to another instalment of my new guest series #MumisBest!  #MumisBest is all about the ever-growing SAHM/working mum debate.  I really want this series to highlight that there’s no right or wrong way, but whatever works for you and you family.  If you’d like to take part do get in touch, I’d love to hear from you!  For now I will leave you in the hands of Ali from Instant Mum of Two!

On June 2nd 2016 I left work feeling sad and happy in equal measures. Work has and will always be my first baby.

I have worked in the Early Years sector for 15 years. I’ve been a nursery nurse, a deputy manager and in my current role as a manager for 6 years. 

I love my job. I love early years. I work with great people. 

But I was leaving to be something else I’ve always longed to be. A Mum. 

As we met the children and they moved in and we began our lives as a family, I thought about work a lot less than I thought I would. 

And as we grew together as a family I was so happy that everything was going so well, but alongside that happiness was a feeling of loneliness.

But why was I feeling lonely, I had plenty of support from family and friends and lots of people to chat through things with about the children. 

So maybe that was it. Children are amazing but let’s face it they are all consuming, your time and your thought process pretty much revolves around them. 

So even though I was talking to people I was always talking about the kids because they were pretty much part of every moment I was awake! 

So I missed me, and that was pretty much work me! Because I then realised that work was pretty much my social life (geez that sounds sad!!) but having relocated for work many of my local friends are through work and I believe that as a manager you have to be a part of the team and value each and every member of that team.

So a large part of my day was spent interacting with the team and chatting through ideas and challenges.

I missed that type of conversation. Conversation that wasn’t always loosely based on either; poo, snacks or Paw Patrol. 

I’m pretty good at once I realise something getting over it and adjusting and I also realised that I would never get this time back

with the children. So frankly I got over myself and focussed on the children. 

We’ve had an amazing 10 months. We have made unbreakable bonds, we have laughed, cried tears of joy and sadness. We’ve been on adventures. We’ve visited family and friends and they have stayed with us.

We have made so many memories that I will treasure for ever.

And I have this gut sadness, every time we do something during the day, or when I drop my son off at school that I’m going to be missing these things, these everyday beautiful things that yes can be bloody stressful but they are also the nuts and bolts of family life and I’m going to miss a lot of them.

Blinking heck I’m a contradiction! But isn’t parenting?

So do I want to go back to work? It’s not a simple answer. I have to go back to work for financial reasons but yes I do also want to go back. 

When I asked my friends how they felt about returning to work they all pretty much said the same. That the first few days are tough but you do get used to it and that you have to think about why you are working, to give the children the life you want them to have.

I’m lucky I get great holiday so I will be able to still spend a lot of time with them.

I feel guilty though, so guilty. Is that purely a Mum thing or is it the constant pressure to be this perfect Mum? 

I’m not perfect far far from it. I shout on occasions, I drink a bit too much vodka and I sometimes eat my feelings (fizzy Coca Cola bottles and cadburys fruit and nut are my thing). But I am a good Mum. I love them more than I ever thought was possible but I also want some time to be me. 

And that’s ok, it’s ok to be you, you know the you you were before you became Mum. It’s ok to look forward to peeing on your own without any interruption, or having a meal in one sitting, or having conversations other than ones about the children. 

I’m going to miss them though, as I write that I can actually feel a pain in my chest. But we will all adjust and hopefully it will make the time we do spend together even more special. 

Bio.

Mum to Big Pig and Piglet. I’ve not always been their Mum but we tell each other that we grew in each other’s hearts. They are my chaos and my calm. I blog about parenting first and foremost. The highs and lows and the in betweens. I’m so happy that we are a “normal” family whatever that is. But as we travel along on our adoption journey I’m consistently finding out that we share the same joy and struggles as other families, however they came to be. 

You can see more from Ali here!

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9 Comments

  • justsayingmum June 26, 2017 at 8:35 am

    What a wonderful, honest post. I love when you say parenting is a contradiction. It really is isn’t it?! I, too, really missed my work and the adult company. Parenting can be surprisingly lonely. I’ve had all the emotions through the years, having gone back to work after all three and then handing my notice in 10 years later as I felt they needed me so much more than when they were younger and then trying to find me again. Oh it’s a rollercoaster but it makes us richer people. Experiences and feelings make us who we are! #BigPinkLink

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood June 26, 2017 at 7:42 pm

      Thankyou for such a lovely comment xx

      Reply
  • mamagrace June 26, 2017 at 9:43 am

    I’m sure you’ll make the most of work and play. I finding projects for myself, as work isn’t an option and I love spending time with her and taking her to playgroups but when get time to go to bookclub or have a massage I indulge and make the most of it because I know I can feed the happiness and energy I get from it into our relationship. #bigpinklink

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood June 26, 2017 at 7:42 pm

      So true, thankyou xx

      Reply
  • thismumslife June 27, 2017 at 12:32 pm

    I can totally relate to this!! I became a SAHM because my mum found looking after the children around my shift work, much more difficult than she thought, and then it was impossible for me to stay, if we didn’t have the free childcare and the flexibility of different shifts each week! Initially I thought it would be wonderful, just an extension of my work as a nurse, but I was so wrong!! I agree, everything has felt like a contradiction! I became desperate to go back to work, cross that I couldn’t, guilty for feeling like that… and so it goes on! If I’m totally honest, I think I’d be a better mum if I worked-I don’t think the children get the best of me sometimes, when I’m a little bored/frustrated/can’t face playgroup AGAIN, I think I’d sometimes be more engaged if I had something else in my life! And now I’m feeling guilty for sounding ungrateful-you really can’t win…!!
    #bigpinklink

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood June 28, 2017 at 8:15 am

      This sounds all too familiar, if only there was an easy answer! x

      Reply
  • dearmummyblog June 29, 2017 at 6:24 am

    My mummy missed work and adult conversations that’s why she went back after 6 months. Luckily she had flexible working which meant that she could spend Monday’s with me and we went on our adventures so it really was the best of both worlds. Plus the money really helped 😉 #TwinklyTuesday x

    Reply
  • mummascribbles July 1, 2017 at 8:45 pm

    Such a fabulously honest post. I went back to work when Zach was 9 months and found it so so hard. Now Oscar is the same age and I have quit my job. But there are so many days when I am like, have I done the right thing, etc etc. We do what we do for our family and that’s all that really matters! Thanks for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood July 2, 2017 at 12:32 pm

      You’re so right! xx

      Reply

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