There’s nothing quite like a one year old and a four month old combination to teach you about life. Rewind to a time before children, I think I can just about remember amongst the blur of sleepless nights and dirty nappies. We did what we wanted when we wanted, the world was an easier place. Fast forward a little while, but for what seems like an age, coming across freedom is like coming across rocking horse shit.
When children arrive lessons in life start to come thick and fast – we’ve all been there and we just go along with it. On reflection I’ve realised just how steep that curve is! If I Could teach my pre-mother self a thing or two about life before children, I imagine this is how it would go:
- Lesson One – go out more. Two nights every weekend, and tea out three times a week is not enough! Go out every night and never eat in. Post children you will spend A LOT of time in the house. Don’t worry that you are eating out so much, or that your’re spending too much money in cocktail bars. Go out and stay out whilst you can!
- Lesson Two – whilst we are on the subject of cocktail bars. After you have spent all night in one and you stagger off home to sleep it off, don’t feel guilty about wasting the next day. Don’t shower, watch crap TV, snooze on the sofa and order takeaway to soak up the booze. Believe me these days will be gone for a VERY long time, and by god will you miss them!
- Lesson Three – do you ever feel guilty about watching rubbish TV? Do you ever think that you should be doing something more productive of an evening? Well don’t! Enjoy all the rubbish TV you can, before CBeebies is the only channel your TV knows how to broadcast. The kids don’t half love it, but frankly at that time in a morning everything is not ‘Rosie’. You will not be happy that Mr Tumble came (easy, it’s part of the song) and that Upsy Daisy with the blow up skirt – floozy!
- Lesson Four – retail therapy conquers all, well maybe not, but it certainly helps! Long days filled with shopping and coffee, more shopping and lunch – maybe even a glass of wine here and there (I’m daydreaming as I write this). Well let me tell you children will mark the end of that! Shopping turns into running around Tesco (literally) before child number one screams with boredom. Causing random strangers to give you a wide berth, whilst tutting their way down the frozen veg’ section. Or child number two does a huge shit that can be smelt three aisles away. You then look around pretending its not yours, whilst you prepare yourself for the logistical nightmare that is an in-car nappy change. Enjoy shopping, really.
My world is an amazing place since I’ve had children, they honestly make our life complete. Just imagine going back for one day though, imagine everything you would cram into that one day of freedom. Scratch that, maybe I would just sleep!