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#MumisBest Guest Post – Lisa from Pass the Prosecco…Please

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Welcome to another instalment of my new guest series #MumisBest!  #MumisBest is all about the ever-growing SAHM/working mum debate.  I really want this series to highlight that there’s no right or wrong way, but whatever works for you and you family.  If you’d like to take part do get in touch, I’d love to hear from you!  For now I will leave you in the hands of Lisa from Pass the Prosecco…Please!

 

I jumped at the chance to write this guest post for The Tale of Mummyhood as #MumIsBest is something I feel very passionate about.

When you give birth to a child, however they are born or indeed in some situations come into your life through surrogacy or adoption, you become a mum.

You have a small person who occupies your every waking thought and you love them more than anything else in the world.

When my son was six months old I knew I had to make a decision about when I returned to work; statutory maternity pay was rubbish and we could barely afford to pay our bills.  I knew I did not want to return to my former career in IT; the stresses and strains of a corporate lifestyle was not of interest to me; as nice as the pay was my outlook changed as soon as my son was born.

I found work in a local supermarket and thought I would be happy – I was earning good money and working hours that fitted around my husband so we had no issues with childcare.

Unfortunately I was employed on a ‘flexi’ contract and the terms of it didn’t fit well as time progressed.  Finding a job that fits around childcare is more of a challenge than childbirth I swear.

But I wasn’t happy; I always thought once I became a mum I would throw my everything into motherhood and being a housewife and my career and job would no longer be important.  This wasn’t true for me – I needed stimulation and work gave me that; I didn’t want to stay home all the time, I wanted to go to work and earn some money for my family.  I could have gone back to my previous job but extreme stress had destroyed me before and I didn’t want to go there again, I wanted and needed a clean break.

I found a job at a local dental practice working on the reception desk, and loved it straight away.  I qualified as a Dental Nurse in 2005 and I loved being back in the health sector.  I expected to go back to nursing but I sustained damage in my hands from carpal tunnel syndrome in pregnancy and have been unable to return to dental nursing.  I figured it’s probably best not to be trusted with sharp implements when my grip has a mind of its own…

I work roughly 18 hours a week over two days, Monday’s and Tuesday’s.  I’m lucky to have my parents living close by and my mum is off the same days I work to look after the wee man.  My dad is retired and wants a quiet life bless him – but William and him are like chalk and cheese and have such a wonderful bond.

I enjoy reception and administration work within my job and although I am unsure where my career path ahead lies, I enjoy adult conversation and being called ‘Lisa’ and not just ‘William’s mum’.

I have to work and I’m really lucky to be in the situation I am in, we qualify for no benefits despite our income being fairly rubbish and there is no way we can afford childcare, we wouldn’t even make any money after paying for it.  William is 3 in November and the next step for us is preschool, which I’m keen to start but not able to afford currently.

Unfortunately when your child reaches 9 months to a year and maternity leave officially finishes you no longer become ‘mum’ and you have to be tarred with some other god awful title.

Stay at home mum, full time mum, working mum, career mum – you HAVE to be one of them.

I’m a part-time-working full-time mum.  I don’t conform and I refuse to – it doesn’t matter if you work 2 hours or 60, when work ends you still have to go home and be mum, and lets face it, even at work you never stop thinking and worrying – it’s a huge juggle.

Hats off to stay at home mums(there was no avoiding the term – sorry) – I could not do it.  Being at home is stressful, I will happily admit I can’t hack it.  As tough as it is working two days and fitting chores in, being at home all day every day is hard and you mums don’t get enough credit.

So what do I think is best?  Personally when I meet another mum I couldn’t give a damn whether she works or not; I couldn’t care less if she wants to work or not, has to work or not.

She’s a mum and mum’s do whatever is best, who are we to judge.  We are one big sisterhood after all.

A mum is a mum and whatever she thinks, decides and ultimately does; it is always in her child/children’s best interest.

 

Bio:

Hello! I’m Lisa, a 30-something mum of one, wife, undomestic goddess and blog-brains behind Pass the Prosecco… Please.

I love to write and I generally blog about parenting, my mental health issues and food.  Expect the good, the bad and the downright ugly!

 

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Freelancing – Earning a Living as a Stay at Home Mum

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It has been said a million times, but it’s true, being a stay at home mum is more work than a full-time job, and your shift never really ends! However, many of us still feel unsatisfied in regards to our careers, or are simply a bit short on cash, and crave something to help with both. It might be simply impossible, or you may just not want to go back to a job, which would mean leaving your kids with a childcare professional (and therefore adding an extra expense) while you are at work. However, it is possible to make money from working, on top of taking care of your family. Kamagra Buy Online, and as much or as little as you’d like. Perhaps a few adjustments will have to be made to give yourself some time, which is not always easy- but since when was motherhood ever easy? Here are some tips on why, and how you can go freelance.

Going freelance is a good idea, specifically for full time parents, because it enables you to choose exactly what type of work you want to do and how many hours you are willing to work. Instead of a 9-5 job that often requires sitting at a desk all day, a freelancer has complete control to choose how her (or his) career goes. The more experience gained, the better and higher quality projects come around. That means the responsibility and money earned is completely dependent upon the determination of the freelancer. It is also means that no workday will look the same.

If this seems like a good idea for you, you should take a moment whilst the kids are sleeping in the evening, or while they are watching TV to go onto your laptop and have a look at what is out there. If you are reading this article, chances are you enjoy reading blogs and sharing ideas, and there are some really useful sites such as Kamagra Buy on all aspects of job searching.

You’ll find Kamagra Buy Online India, for all different job types with different companies. For example, take freelance writing. Many blog owners will hire freelance writers to write articles on their blogs. If you enjoy writing and being creative, but are also willing to do the research to create quality articles, this is work that is high in demand. Or there is website design. If you love design and are familiar with Photoshop, you can take these skills into the freelance space. Learning the goals and personality of the website owner can help you create one of a kind pieces on your own time and earn some money along the way.

Working as a freelancer can have a very positive affect on a mother’s life. Having the ability to make money and keep the career-motivated part of you satisfied helps those who are interested, stay more balanced and happy overall. Overall, freelancing/doing what you love and being a stay at home mum seems pretty close to balancing the best of both worlds.

 

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#MumisBest Guest Post – Helen from Talking Mums

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Welcome to the first instalment of my new guest series #MumisBest!  #MumisBest is all about the ever-growing SAHM/working mum debate.  I really want this series to highlight that there’s no right or wrong way, but whatever works for you and you family.  If you’d like to take part do get in touch, I’d love to hear from you!  For now I will leave you in the hands of Helen from Talking Mums!

 

What kind of mum is best for a child?

 

When I saw the opportunity to take part in Zoe’s new series I really wanted to have my say. I feel like I can express both points of view. You see after my first child I went back to work when she was 10 months old. Doing what many families do and placed her in nursery 3 days a week from 8am until 5.15pm. Nursery cost us half my monthly income. This was a bill for approx. £600 per month. I did this because I had too. My OH had a full time job, we were looking at buying a family home, we wanted to go holidays and have a comfortable lifestyle. To do this, going to work was necessary. There was also the aspect that my career is something I have worked really hard for and I actually think I do a pretty good job too.

 

I don’t regret this decision either. Pops flourished at nursery. I hated leaving her for such a long day but she seemed to love it. I enjoyed going to work (mostly) and keeping that part of my identity. I gave up the monotony of cbeebies from maternity leave to actually having adult conversations and felt like I was actually helping people doing my job. I did feel like I had a nice balance of working part time and being at home.

 

Roll on to baby number two. About half way through maternity leave our eldest started school. This was the game changer. My job is a 1 hour and 15 min drive away. To start work at 08:30 I need to leave home at 7am. No school breakfast club at that time! At the other end of the day I don’t get home until 6 – 6:30pm, guess what no after school club open till that time. Could I find a registered childminder in my area – no! I asked around, I had lists from the council and checked websites too. The nearest childminders didn’t do drop offs and pick ups at the school Pops would attend. We also have no help from family.

 

So what to do? Fortunately, over the years my OH has worked hard and does well with his work. So the discussion of a career break came up. I would be taking a 5 year break in my career and not have my own income but yet I would be able to stay at home with Pud, not pay someone else to look after him and get to do all the school stuff with Pops. My career will always be there so long as I keep up my registration through a few shifts a year. I figured I may regret not doing it, but I would be unlikely to regret doing it.

 

I applied for it and got it. I’ve been a SAHM now for about 3 short months following maternity leave. Positives are as I said above. Downsides are the strange adjustment to not going to work, a loss of identity and my own income. I also feel this sense of needing to be superwoman. I’m at home therefore I should have time and should be able to achieve so much including a tidy house and attend multiple playgroups. But I don’t, having a clingy toddler inhibits this to some extent.

 

I guess what I’m trying to get across is that most of make our decisions based on circumstances and necessity. Not often on choice alone. There is always a sense of ‘the grass is always greener on the other side’ but I think it’s only natural to miss what you don’t have. When you are a working mum you miss not spending time with your children. When you’re a SAHM you miss the social side to work and the professional identity you once had. It hard to have it all and find the perfect balance. Part time work is advantageous with flexible working to accommodate childcare but this is pretty hard to come by.

 

We all as mums want to do the very best for our children. An inevitable part of this desire is feeling guilty about what we feel we can’t or don’t do. This pushes us to justify the decisions we make, which can sometimes be construed as belittling the people who have made the opposite decision. There is no perfect solution in my mind, we just have to make the most of our situations. Whichever way our paths take us, being a working mum or a SAHM offer benefits to our children as do they have drawbacks. Neither one superseding the other.

 

Children will be thrive in whichever setting they grow up. So what kind of mum is best for a child? Well in my book it’s a mum who makes it clear to their child they are loved. Whether you are a working mum or a SAHM you do this all the time without thinking. So keep calm and carry on being a mum!

 

 

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How to Balance Being a Mum and Being a Freelancer This Summer

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As your children’s summer break approaches, it’s likely that you’re worrying. How you are going to balance having them at home, as well fulfilling as your work-from-home venture? You’re probably wondering how you can manage your duties as a mother, whilst still being able toBuy Kamagra From India. It’s only natural to start having thoughts about this, and it’s only natural that you should worrying about it too. But fear not, there is a way to find that illustrious balance. You can balance being a mum and being a freelancer who works from home. Read on to find out how.

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If possible you could set aside some of the money you make from your freelancing venture and invest it in an activity your children will love. If you don’t want your children to have a sedentary summer, then why not invest in something that will keep both active and entertained? Things such as Buy Kamagra Oral Jelly India are a really fun way to keep children active. They offer children countless hours of fun, especially if they have siblings or friends to play with.

If possible you could spend timely Online India. It’s only natural that having children at home during your working day is going to affect it. So before the summer rolls around, you could start making little changes to your schedule, so that you are used to it when it’s forced upon you. This could mean getting up earlier, in order to allow yourself time in the day to play with your children. Or it could mean training yourself to reach different deadlines throughout the day. Whatever it is that you decide to do, make sure to do it as soon as possible. The sooner you get used to a schedule that will be a better fit for you and your children when they are on their break, the better.

Finding theKamagra Oral Jelly Mastercard is vital.  You want to be able to provide summer memories for your children, but you also want to be able to put food on the table for them and buy them things. Preparation is key to make this summer one to remember!

 

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A Controlled Crying Diary

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I have a six month old baby who throughout day eats like a horse.

I have a six month old baby who despite said eating habits, consistently wakes at 12am, 3am and 6am insisting that she be fed.

I have a Husband who works crazy shift patterns and is absolutely cream crackered.

Then there is me. I have two under two, I have no more than four hours broken sleep – on a good day.

Something had to give. Controlled crying – welcome to our lives.

Before I go on, I know that controlled crying is not for everyone.  It is a very personal choice.   Some will like it, some won’t.  This method was thoroughly researched and discussed before it was implemented.  This is not an advisory post, it is a diary post.

Night 1:

Little E ate so much all day.  She took her full amount of milk and has weaned successfully onto four meals a day.  She napped well, but not too much.  Bedtime arrived and we had everything crossed.

She became unsettled at 10pm, 12am, 2am and 3am.  Finally at 5am she settled down and slept until 7:30am.  Each time she was unsettled we followed the standard controlled crying guidelines, but returned to her within significantly less time.

The morning after I was one tired mummy.  I hoped the next night would be better.

Night 2:

I have the daytime routine with Little E down to a tee – throughout the day I am super mum (ha, yeah right!).  When bedtime arrived I felt sick to my stomach.  I was absolutely exhausted but I wouldn’t give up.  It’s not fair on Little E, I wouln’t stop the process half way through just because it would be easier for me at that point.

I am not exaggerating when I say that 5am arrived before I got any sleep.  The toddler was up at 7:30, and our day began.  By this point I was ready to throw in the towel, sleep was all I could think about.

Night 3:

I held out no hope.  I didn’t feel like we had made any progress, if anything it felt worse than before.  I crawled into bed at 10pm not expecting to get any sleep.  Then the crying started and I looked at the time, 2am!  The longest stretch we’d had in a very long time.  Little E settled back down around 5am and slept until 8am.  I could not believe it!  Maybe it was a fluke?

Night 4:

Hubs is on shift, so I have no moral support.  Fully expecting the night from hell I went to bed early, those first couple of hours can be precious.  I heard crying but from the toddler this time.  Sheepishly I looked at the clock.  The toddler only cries at breakfast time – she is an amazing sleeper and rarely wakes in the night.  6:30am!  Ladies and Gentlemen we have a sleeper!

Afterwards:

My baby continues to sleep more than she ever has.  She gets far less broken sleep and is herself much better for it.

I am getting good stretches of sleep – something I never thought I would get again.

Hubs is going to work on a full nights sleep – something that has become alien to him.

This week has been an incredibly turbulent week.  For the most part I didn’t think I would get through it without caving in.  I have learnt a lot.  Mainly that controlled crying, with our own twist, is not the devil it’s often made out to be.

After one of the hardest parenting weeks we have had over the last eighteen months, as a family we are moving forward.  That feels AMAZING!

 

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Hyperemesis Gravidarum – What You Need to Know

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Hyperemesis Gravidarum is the name given to severe vomiting during pregnancy.  So severe in fact,  that it can cause women to become dehydrated and lose weight.

I suffered from HG during both of my pregnancies, each time not believing that I would be able to get through it.  It’s hard to admit, but there were also times when I regretted my situation as this illness can be so debilitating.

When you have HG it is almost as if time stands still, you cant go back but you don’t know how to move forward – knowing how to get out of bed would be a start.

Drawing from my own personal experiences with the condition, here are a few things you need to know:

  • Hyperemesis Gravidarum is not just morning sickness.  HG is far worse.  Not only are you feeling sick but you are constantly being sick.  Hanging your head over the toilet for the thirtieth time in less than twenty four hours, feeling faint and dizzy, being in a constant state of exhaustion and feeling like your head is going to explode is extreme.  Don’t get me wrong, sickness of any kind is not pleasant and I feel for anyone with morning sickness. HG however, is on another level and it is not to be taken lightly.
  • Dry crackers are not going to cut it.  You can eat crackers until your mouth feels like the bottom of a bird cage, you will still feel sick and be sick.  I lost count of the amount of times crackers were pushed under my nose, only to be thrown back no more than thirty seconds later.  My advice is eat what you can when you can.  Even if that happens to be a couple of chocolate biscuits, or a double cheese burger.  You’re probably going to throw it back up anyway, so you may as well enjoy the bits you do get to eat!  A few calories are better than none so it’s always worth a shot.
  • ‘Stick your ginger where the sun doesn’t shine’ (shamefully, these are my words!).   This one does again relate to food, but it deserves its own point!  I used to love ginger – cake, biscuits, gingerbread men – you name it.  In my early days of HG before I was medicated my friends, family and even my GP told me ginger would do the trick.  It did NOTHING! Now I can’t stand the stuff, I am nearly six months post-partum and the thought of ginger still makes me feel nauseous.  I know you’re trying to be helpful, really I do – but f**k off with your ginger!
  • Don’t let anyone tell you ‘you just have to get through it’.  Seven weeks into my first pregnancy I literally could not stop being sick.  Water, food and sips of energy drink all came back up to say ‘Hi’.  Medical professionals hadn’t taken my condition seriously enough.  One particular consultant said ‘I don’t care about sickness, everyone gets that’.  Funnily enough this was a MALE consultant.  Therefore it wasn’t long until I was admitted into hospital,  suffering from dehydration.  I spent a night on IV fluids and anti-emetics, surrounded by people who understood that I was ill.  I left hospital the next day with a package of medication, that would see me through the next few months.  To this day I cannot thank these people enough – they made my first pregnancy less traumatic and more bearable than I could ever have imagined.
  • It’s OK to medicate.  I know that medication during pregnancy is a very personal choice, it’s certainly not for everyone.  If this is something you are open to though and you are advised only by your Doctor, it is OK.  It can mean a less traumatic pregnancy, you will most probably be able to eat bits and function day to day.  I’m not saying they are miracle drugs, you’re still going to feel like s**t – but being able to get out of bed makes HG life a bit more bearable.
  • Accept help.  This is not always easy, but accepting help takes the pressure off.  If the house wants cleaning or the children need looking after call in some favours, lean on those around you.  It won’t be forever but HG is a serious condition, there is no shame in accepting help whilst you are not at your best.
  • You will get through it.  It doesn’t seem like it now but it will pass.  By the end of this horrific journey you will have a squidgy little munchkin, and it will all have been worth it.  You won’t look back on those days fondly.  There are people out there to guide you if you need help coming to terms with your experience.  Just know that one day it will be over, you are strong enough to get there.  Just take each minute as it comes!

 

It turns out that HG doesn’t discriminate, here are a few celebrity sufferers :

    • The Duchess of Cambridge, Kate Middleton had HG during both of her pregnancies.
    • The Saturdays singer, Frankie Bridge suffered during her second pregnancy.
    • Property guru Kirstie Allsopp has been a sufferer.
    • Nineteenth century English novelist Charlotte Bronte.  Charlotte Bronte was thought to have died from the condition, around four months into her first pregnancy.
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Positivity Breeds Positivity…

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Life passes us by in a flash.  We are always so busy, there are little people to keep alive, work needs to be done, homes need to be run and that’s just the start of it.  A lot of the time our lives are planned to the very last detail, in an attempt to make it run as smoothly as possible.  Especially on those days that just don’t have enough hours.

Mostly we get on with this just fine, we fly from one day to the next keeping our heads just nicely above water, but sometimes we can get stuck in a rut.  Sometimes the days start to pass in a blur, and we wonder where our direction has disappeared to.  These are the days that negativity can take over, and you know what they say – ‘negativity breeds negativity’.

After the birth of my second child my days quickly turned into constant blur, living from hour to hour, just getting by.  Life seemed to lose all significant meaning, tiredness took over and the daily grind felt almost impossible.  Three months in I found myself striving for change, I felt the need to lose the negativity that clouded my life, to become positive and continue to be positive whatever the weather.

Here are some tips on how to bring more positivity into your life, apply them and watch it grow!

  • Choose to see the good in life – lets face it life throws crap our way.  Some days it feels like we have more than our fair share of crap thrown at us, and its so easy to get bogged down in the rubbish.   Eventually we can end up feeling like nothing good ever happens.  This is not true.  Every day something good happens, even if it’s only a small thing – the sun shining, an extra ten minutes in bed (yeah right!), a simple ‘I love you’ from those we care about.  Focus on the good, even if its tiny, focus on it!

 

  • Eat right- now don’t get me wrong we all deserve a treat once in a while, but a healthy and balanced diet makes us feel better on the inside.  When our bodies feel good it’s easier for our minds to feel good!

 

  • Be thankful- look closely, see what you have.  Someone else may be richer, they may have a nicer car or a bigger house.  Who cares?  Look around you and take stock of your life, what you have is priceless, be thankful for it.

 

  • Know your triggers and take care of them- we all have triggers: actions, songs, situations, people.  Triggers affect how we think and feel and they can change our mind set before we’ve even realised its happened.  Know what your triggers are, learn how to take care of them and manage them.  If that song comes on, turn it off – you get the idea.

 

  • See the bigger picture- when bad things happen it’s frustrating and upsetting.  Often right in that moment it can feel impossible to deal with.  Take a step back and look at the bigger picture, does it really matter?  Will you care about this after a few days have passed?  Will it continue to affect you or is it momentary? The chances are by tomorrow you will be completely over it, save yourself  from being drawn into a negative cycle.  Step back and let it go.

 

  • Act positively- even if you aren’t feeling all that positive, act it anyway.  The more you act positive the more you will feel it and eventually that mind set will be your default.  Keep at it!

 

  • Smile- just smile.  Smiling instantly makes us happier, even if it’s just for a split second.  Keep smiling, seconds add up!

So there we have it, these simple but effective tips can help us shift those negative feelings that are harbouring in the crevices of our minds.  Let’s stop with the negativity and let positivity breed positivity!

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