I’m not the Mother I Thought I’d be.

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Even before I was pregnant I had a clear idea of who I would be as a mother.  My children would listen to me, they wouldn’t throw tantrums and we would enjoy playing all day.  I also didn’t feel like I would need to work, being a SAHM would be enough.  I had the rest of my life planned out.

After having my girls I tried to keep up this façade.  It was exhausting, I mean who was I trying to kid?  Who was I trying to impress?  Now that my girls are coming up to two and one, I have acknowledged that I’m not the mother that I thought I’d be.  More importantly I can finally admit that that’s OK.

In many ways being a parent hasn’t changed me, I’m still kind and humble.  I’m easy-going and keen to please.  But who knew that having children would give me more confidence than I’ve ever had.  Who knew that I’d find the voice that’s been hidden away for too long and who knew that I’d finally realise that standing up for what I believe in is a good thing.

Motherhood is amazing, it’s also hard and tiring.  There are often times when I’m not at the top of my game and there are always times when I feel like I need a break.  I know now that it’s ok to feel this way and that I shouldn’t feel guilty.

Motherhood also brings with it mountains of advice from numerous sources.  I know now that I don’t have to act on this advice.  I know now that Hubs and I know what’s best for our children, believing in ourselves is key.

These pair are working together already! #thickasthieves #outnumbered 😂

A post shared by Zoe • Blogger • Writer (@thetaleofmummyhood) on

The best thing about not being the mother that I thought I’d be, is seeing the mother that I’ve become.  I’m more relaxed, happier and I feel free.  Free to bring up my children in my own way, free to make my own decisions and free to enjoy as much of it as I can.

Thinking back over the last two years, I feel like I regret a lot of it.  Looking at this regret positively though means that I’ve been able to learn from it. I’ve rediscovered myself through briefly becoming a person that I didn’t want to be.

 

 

66 Comments

  • Coombe Mill March 15, 2017 at 8:24 am

    Such a lovely positive and hopeful post, we all do the best we can, make mistakes but learn from them and it shapes the mother we are, our kids appreciate us so we should appreciate our own motherhood style too. #Best&Worst

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood March 15, 2017 at 11:51 am

      Such a lovely comment, thankyou x

      Reply
  • ourrachblogs March 15, 2017 at 9:10 am

    This is a great post. I’ve changed so much since becoming a Mum. I care less what others think, I’m more assertive and honest and probably more confident too. #bestandworst

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood March 15, 2017 at 11:51 am

      It’s amazing what it does to us isn’t it! x

      Reply
  • Caroline (Becoming a SAHM) March 15, 2017 at 1:57 pm

    It’s amazing how we have these ideals before we have kids about how it is going to be… And how we gradually realise that they are impossible to live up to… And even more slowly realise that that is ok too! Lovely post and I’m not the mother I thought I’d be either! Xx #bestandworst

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood March 17, 2017 at 9:51 am

      Thankyou! X

      Reply
  • Kim Carberry March 15, 2017 at 8:22 pm

    Aww! What a lovely positive post. I am not the mother I thought I would be….That changed when I actually had kids too. #bestandworst

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood March 17, 2017 at 9:53 am

      Ah thankyou! X

      Reply
  • Alana - Burnished Chaos March 16, 2017 at 3:07 pm

    I don’t think any of us end up being the mother we thought we would. You have no idea what it is like until you actually have kids. You definitely have to trust yourself and ignore all the ‘advice’ x
    #Bestandworst

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood March 17, 2017 at 9:54 am

      That’s so true! X

      Reply
  • Sarah Howe March 16, 2017 at 8:46 pm

    Great post hun. I feel I have become so much more patient. I wish I was a bit more crafy and domestic but I’d prefer to roll around and chase my daughter more. hehe. Thanks for sharing with #bestandworst x

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood March 17, 2017 at 12:48 pm

      I wish I was a bit more crafty too! Thankyou x

      Reply
  • Jakijellz March 19, 2017 at 8:16 am

    I’m definitely not the Mum I thought I’d be. I need to take a leaf from your book & be more positive about the things I regret. Great post. Thanks for giving me food for thought. #blogstravaganza.

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood March 19, 2017 at 7:53 pm

      Ah thankyou x

      Reply
  • biscuitpleasemummy March 19, 2017 at 8:38 am

    I think it takes us all a long time to settle in to this role – my first is nearly 4 and I’ve just changed things up again with regards to work and home balance – still figuring it all out! #blogstravaganza

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood March 19, 2017 at 7:54 pm

      It so true that we change as time goes on! X

      Reply
  • softfuzzygunddog March 19, 2017 at 8:48 am

    I kind if wish I’d had SOME idea of what kind of mother I would become, or wanted to become. But through my whole first pregnancy, I was just plain old me doing what I always do and not planning for the baby. I didn’t want kids. Right up until Doll was born. Then it clicked! It sounds a little bit freeing to have had a plan but then be able to let go of it.
    #Blogstravaganza

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood March 19, 2017 at 7:55 pm

      Ah that’s so lovely that it clicked when she was born! Thankyou! X

      Reply
  • pamsbakeandbabyblog March 19, 2017 at 9:34 am

    What a lovely post. I think we set the bar too high and expect too much-but then when we were younger we do that with everything – the kind of job you were going to do, relationship you were going to be in. Nice to hear suh an honest evalutaion from someone. Sounds like you are the mother you never knew you could be #blogstravaganza

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood March 19, 2017 at 7:55 pm

      Thankyou xx

      Reply
  • lycrawidow March 19, 2017 at 10:31 am

    Motherhood can be so overwhelming. I’m so glad to read a positive post about the parent you have become, and your new found confidence. Parenting is a big learning curve, but if we always get it right first time, we don’t learn anything. Your girls are beautiful too. 🙂 #Blogstravaganza

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood March 19, 2017 at 7:56 pm

      So true, Thankyou! X

      Reply
  • itsmeanniebee March 19, 2017 at 12:22 pm

    This is lovely, It’s so easy to beat ourselves up about not being the mum we thought we’d be that we forget that by not becoming that mum we could become and even better mum! #blogstravaganza

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood March 19, 2017 at 7:57 pm

      So true, Thankyou! x

      Reply
  • tinmccarthy March 19, 2017 at 12:59 pm

    After four kids I have done a complete 360 from the mom I thought I would be to the mom I first was to now. Who KNOWS what Ill be in ten years!

    #blogstravaganza

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood March 19, 2017 at 7:48 pm

      That’s so true, we definitely change as we go along! X

      Reply
  • Muffin top mummy March 19, 2017 at 4:36 pm

    I’m not who I thought I’d be either – the confidence thing is something that is still surprising me. I used to be so non-confrontational, but now I’m a lot more straight up about how I feel x

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood March 19, 2017 at 7:48 pm

      It’s not a bad way to be, thankyou! X

      Reply
  • Muffin top mummy March 19, 2017 at 4:37 pm

    Oops, every time! I meant to add #blogstravaganza (sorry!)

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood March 19, 2017 at 7:47 pm

      Haha thankyou!

      Reply
  • Mom Of Two Little Girls March 19, 2017 at 4:59 pm

    I am the same … definitely not the mother I thought I would be. It’s so hard to face that reality but once you have it’s quite liberating. #blogstravaganza

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood March 19, 2017 at 7:47 pm

      Thankyou x

      Reply
  • Nicole March 19, 2017 at 5:36 pm

    Loved reading this post. Such a simple thing, yet so difficult for so many of us to accept/ realise. What you’ve admitted is something all mums feel – and you’re so right, it’s so liberating when you pass that state of judging yourself and just being!
    #Blogstravaganza

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood March 19, 2017 at 7:46 pm

      Ah such a lovely comment, thankyou xx

      Reply
  • Laura @ Dot Makes 4 March 19, 2017 at 8:14 pm

    Such a lovely and positive post 🙂

    I thought that I would be a completely different mum to the one I turned out to be. It’s taken a long time to realise that it’s okay and that after nearly 13 years, I’m still learning and changing as a mum!

    #KCACOLS

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood March 21, 2017 at 9:05 am

      Ah thankyou x

      Reply
  • Mrs Mummy Harris March 19, 2017 at 9:00 pm

    I think we all have ideals of who we’ll be when we become a parent but dont really know how it will be until the time actually comes. I know when i was pregnant i still had the same ideas but once Ben arrived putting it into practise was completely different.
    The fears i had being too strict for now seems not as bad as i thought, im also trying not to be so hard on myself as times when i feel too angry or sad about something its usually my PND rearing its head. Thanks for hosting #Blogstravaganza

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood March 21, 2017 at 9:04 am

      Ah thankyou, we are all human and we must remember that! x

      Reply
  • Emma March 19, 2017 at 9:15 pm

    Although your not the mother that you thought you would be your clearly doing something right by the looks on your girls faces x

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood March 21, 2017 at 9:04 am

      Ah thankyou x

      Reply
  • Left Back March 19, 2017 at 9:31 pm

    This is so true expectation vs reality. Reality is always better in the end #blogstravaganza

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood March 21, 2017 at 9:03 am

      So true, thankyou! x

      Reply
  • Rachel March 19, 2017 at 9:55 pm

    Thank you for this, I really needed to read it. I feel like I’m still hung up on the mother I want to be, rather than the mother I am, and it really stresses me out. I need to learn to take a step back and enjoy it all!
    #Blogstravaganza

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood March 21, 2017 at 9:03 am

      I have been like that for so long too, here’s to taking a step back together! x

      Reply
  • Aleena Brown March 19, 2017 at 10:13 pm

    What a lovely post, accepting ourselves is such a hard thing to do. I think we all spend far too much tome worrying about our parenting choices and focussing on mum guilt. Here’s to accepting the mums we are, all shapes and sizes! x #Blogstravaganza

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood March 21, 2017 at 9:02 am

      Ah such a lovely comment, thankyou x

      Reply
  • Jo March 19, 2017 at 10:32 pm

    What a lovely post. It’s easy to forget that the mothers we are might be better than the mothers we thought we would be – thank you! #blogstravaganza

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood March 21, 2017 at 9:01 am

      Thankyou x

      Reply
  • Laura Beresford March 20, 2017 at 10:37 am

    I stupidly thought motherhood would be easy. Idiot, idiot, idiot. I also thought it would come naturally: it didn’t. Once you realise that and accept it, it gets better. 🙂 #Blogstravaganza

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood March 21, 2017 at 9:01 am

      I literally could have written that comment myself! Thankyou! x

      Reply
  • MummytoDex March 20, 2017 at 1:29 pm

    It’s very easy to say you will be XYZ before you have kids. Once they come, it’s usually a completely different ball game. I know myself I am nothing like how i imagined. I thought I would be super patient, but I get irritated at the simplest of things at times. i just have to remember, I am human.

    #KCACOLS

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood March 21, 2017 at 8:59 am

      That’s so true, I’m very similar! Thankyou x

      Reply
  • Mad Mommy March 21, 2017 at 4:13 pm

    I think all we can do is be the best parent we can be on any given day. Sometimes that will be the parent we always wished to be, other times it will be nothing like it. #Blogstravaganza

    Reply
    • Mad Mommy March 21, 2017 at 8:18 pm

      popping back in from #KCACOLS

      Reply
      • The Tale of Mummyhood March 22, 2017 at 7:23 pm

        Thankyou!

        Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood March 22, 2017 at 7:25 pm

      Totally agree! Thankyou xx

      Reply
  • Autumn's Mummy March 21, 2017 at 9:16 pm

    This is a lovely post. I don’t think motherhood is ever quite how we imagined it before having children, so there’s no way we can know what kind of a mother we’ll be! #Blogstravaganza

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood March 22, 2017 at 7:23 pm

      That’s so true, thankyou! x

      Reply
  • Emma Me and B Make Tea March 25, 2017 at 7:39 pm

    when I entered motherhood I really had no idea what kind of mother id be. I didn’t overly yearn to be a mum :/ I regret a lot in the first two years and wish id been more into it. I mourned my old life a lot #KCACOLS

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood March 27, 2017 at 6:27 am

      Ah this sounds so familiar xx

      Reply
  • Peachy March 29, 2017 at 1:28 pm

    I too had an idea of motherhood that didn’t translate to reality. I guess it’s hard to know what kind of mom you’ll be when you don’t know what motherhood is like. #Blogstravaganza

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood March 30, 2017 at 1:18 pm

      So true, thankyou x

      Reply
  • Peachy March 29, 2017 at 1:46 pm

    Me again from #KCACOLS

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood March 30, 2017 at 1:17 pm

      Thankyou x

      Reply
  • Amie Richards March 30, 2017 at 10:04 pm

    I feel the same way, I had all of these expectations and haven’t really lived up to any of them. I however need to find my place of happiness and being okay with not being the perfect mum I thought I would be
    Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next Sunday

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood March 31, 2017 at 11:19 am

      Thankyou x

      Reply

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