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From SAHM to Working Mum: Acceptance and Changes

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As the first birthday of my second baby draws near I’ve found myself re-evaluating our family situation.  Little E’s birthday will also mark the second anniversary of me giving up my business to become a SAHM.  A dream I’d had for years.

For a while I thought that I could do the SAHM thing, I got pregnant so soon after my first that work was the last thing on my mind.  This was what I was supposed to do.  However after Little E was born and our lives settled into a new routine, I began to realise that staying at home all of the time just wasn’t my calling.

These last two years have been the most amazing but most difficult of my life.  I got through most of it minute by minute, the only way I knew how.  I have been unable to see the light at the end of the tunnel, weeks then months passed by and I found myself sinking deeper into depression.  Not knowing which way to turn or how to pick myself up.

I’ve struggled with feeling like this for far too long, but how could I admit that I didn’t want to be at home with my children all of the time?  How could I be so ungrateful of my privileged position?  Would my children forgive me for going back to work?  What would people think of me?  Have I failed?

I realise now how irrational my thought processes have been.  I know that it’s ok to want to work, to have time with adults and to create an identity for myself outside of being a mother.  I know that it’s ok to leave my children with someone other than myself.  They will be safe, happy and most likely have a ball without me.

Enough is enough.  Hubs and I have set the wheels in motion so that soon I will get one whole day to myself each week.  Daddy day care will commence!  I will get myself ready, wear nice clothes and make up.  I will get into my car and listen to music as loud as I wish.  For one day I will be me.  The me that I used to be, because that’s OK.

 

 

 

 

74 Comments

  • Coombe Mill February 27, 2017 at 7:54 am

    What a sensible decision, make the most of your day, will you work for just a day a week? I worked through all my children and have enjoyed the balance of motherhood and adult work, it is just what works for me. I think you will love your day out and how comforting to know Daddy will be in charge. #MarvMondays

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood February 28, 2017 at 7:21 pm

      It great that you had a good balance, that’s definitely what I need to achieve. Thankyou for a lovely comment x

      Reply
  • kidsversuscopy February 27, 2017 at 10:44 am

    I can really relate to this. I too gave up work when my little ones came along but I found it so, so hard. Please don’t feel bad, being a SAHM is not for everyone – it certainly wasn’t for me! #marvmondays

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood February 28, 2017 at 7:21 pm

      Thankyou x

      Reply
  • Muffintopmummyblog February 27, 2017 at 12:13 pm

    Well done for getting to the point where you’re comfortable to say how you feel! I’m only 3 months in and loving being at home – but I’m very aware that since I’m also already slightly missing my identity pre-baby, it won’t be long before my mind turns to work and adult conversations. In fact, saying all this, I literally started this blog 2 weeks ago to have something other than baby to DO. So enjoy your day off and I hope you find the perfect balance for you! #marvmondays

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood February 28, 2017 at 7:20 pm

      That’s why I started my blog too, it’s nice to have another focus! Thankyou x

      Reply
  • franbackwithabump February 27, 2017 at 12:20 pm

    It’s a real balancing act. I struggled too with not knowing what to do. I wanted to make the most of Poppy being small, but equally thought I might go mad as a SAHM. I now work 3 days a week and although I hate my job, it’s a good balance of work and being mummy. Thanks for joining us for #marvmondays x

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood February 28, 2017 at 7:19 pm

      That sounds like a great balance! x

      Reply
  • Angela Watling February 27, 2017 at 3:39 pm

    I’m glad to hear that you have started to make some changes to make you happy. It’s tough being at home with children all the time. There is so much to do as well as take care of them as well. You do inadvertently fall into the role of the person who keeps house. I work 3 days a week and I don’t regret it at all. It has kept my sane and it makes me value the time at home with my daughter. I hope you find yourself again with a little bit of headspace for you! #MarvMondays

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood February 28, 2017 at 7:18 pm

      You are so right, it never stops! Thankyou x

      Reply
  • organisedjo February 27, 2017 at 11:26 pm

    I love this! Us parents really do not do enough to reward ourselves for all we do looking after our family. Well done you for finding the time for you. #marvmondays

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood February 28, 2017 at 7:10 pm

      Thankyou x

      Reply
  • amumfullofdreams February 28, 2017 at 8:21 am

    I just wanted to let you know that you are definitely not alone in feeling like this and you should never feel like you have failed them. I have been thinking about my return to work pretty much since the day my little one was born, I spent night feeds in the early weeks making lists of people I want to contact to ask for work. You clearly do a wonderful job as a Mum, but enjoy your ‘me time’! #twinklytuesday

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood February 28, 2017 at 7:10 pm

      Thankyou for such a lovely comment x

      Reply
  • anywaytostayathome February 28, 2017 at 8:44 am

    You have not failed! Your children will 100% love you. You are allowed to want to be you and to work. I do love that you are as completely irrational as me though 😂 I had the exact same thoughts about going back to work but for the opposite reasons, turns out being a SAHM was the perfect job for me, a real shocker if I’m honest, so I was sad to be giving it up xx

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood February 28, 2017 at 7:09 pm

      Thankyou! Haha I’m definitely irrational! It funny how we think we have an ideal but actually it’s not what we imagine xx

      Reply
  • Rhian February 28, 2017 at 9:42 am

    Very brave of you to do either – making the decision to be a SAHM or working Mum takes guts. Hope you are happy in whichever you decide to continue with #marvmondays

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood February 28, 2017 at 7:09 pm

      Thankyou x

      Reply
  • The Squirmy Popple February 28, 2017 at 12:42 pm

    It’s totally understandable to want some time to be yourself outside of parenting. As much as I love my daughter, I really struggled when I was home with her full time on maternity leave and I know that I need to work, even if it’s just a few days a week to retain a bit of the ‘old’ me. #DreamTeam

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood February 28, 2017 at 7:09 pm

      A bit of adult time is so nice! X

      Reply
  • Folakemi February 28, 2017 at 1:26 pm

    Lovely post, all the best with your return to work. Your kids will be fine- it will take some time to settle in but you will be fine if you take it one day at the time x #twinklytuesday

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood February 28, 2017 at 7:08 pm

      Thankyou x

      Reply
  • dearmummyblog February 28, 2017 at 6:05 pm

    Staying at home all the time wasn’t my mummy calling either and she went back to work fairly quickly. She loves her job and work and it allows us to pay for things that we wouldn’t ordinary be able to afford x don’t feel guilty for wanting YOU time x #TwinklyTuesday x

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood February 28, 2017 at 7:08 pm

      Thankyou x

      Reply
  • Aleena Brown March 1, 2017 at 9:32 am

    Brilliant! I feel like this too and often feel guilty, but like you I am going back to work a little bit next month, and I can’t wait! You know what I’m most excited about; getting a whole hour’s lunch break!!!!! #BloggerClubUK

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood March 3, 2017 at 1:13 pm

      Oh bless you, I hope you get on ok and enjoy it! xx

      Reply
  • Rhyming with Wine March 1, 2017 at 4:29 pm

    I can 100% identify with this. I returned to my previously full time job just two days a week after having my two, and I felt so guilty about returning, but actually, it does me so much good to just switch off from being responsible for the tiny people for a few hours a week, and to have grown up conversations and other tasks and responsibilities to focus on. It’s nice to just remember who I used to be and that she is still in there somewhere, complete with handbag, heels and not one single baby wipe! Good luck in finding the right balance for you lovely. You deserve it. Thanks for sharing with #DreamTeam x

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood March 3, 2017 at 1:13 pm

      I long for just a few hours where I can switch off from the small ones. I’m so glad you have a good balance, hopefully I’ll have one very soon too! xx

      Reply
  • Sarah Howe @runjumpscrap March 1, 2017 at 9:23 pm

    My neighbour ended up on anti-depressants being at home all the time 🙁 She just needed to work and is now so happy.It will make you a happier person and fab Mum. Hope all works out for you and thanks for sharing with #bestandworst x

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood March 1, 2017 at 9:40 pm

      Bless her, I’m so glad she has a better balance now. I’m definitely working on it, thankyou! x

      Reply
  • Busy Working Mummy March 2, 2017 at 9:34 am

    I know exactly how you must be feeling. I am a full time working mum so I get more time away from my monkey than I do with him…but making that decision to leave them even for just one day can be a tough one! Enjoy! #coolmumclub

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood March 3, 2017 at 1:10 pm

      It has been a tough decision, but hopefully I’ve made the right one! Thanks for stopping by x

      Reply
  • five little doves March 2, 2017 at 11:09 am

    Being a SAHM isn’t for everyone, I know some people start to go insane! For me, it was a choice I made that I am happy with and it’s the best thing for our family. I think it’s all about what makes you happy! #BloggerClubUK

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood March 3, 2017 at 1:09 pm

      It’s very true that we have to do what works for our family. I figure if things don’t work out then we’ll fall back into the old routine! Thankyou xx

      Reply
  • five little doves March 2, 2017 at 11:17 am

    Returning from #bestandworst

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood March 3, 2017 at 1:09 pm

      Thankyou x

      Reply
  • mummuddlingthrough March 2, 2017 at 8:54 pm

    I often (all the time) debate whether a day or two at work would make me a more balanced Mum or make my life harder! Still not concluded, but I have managed to secure one morning a week to myself which is a massive help.
    Best of luck, and don’t feel guilty – a happy Mummy is a happy baby right?
    xx
    Thanks for sharing with #coolmumclub

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood March 3, 2017 at 1:08 pm

      It’s definitely not an easy decision to make. I bet a morning a week is lovely! xx

      Reply
  • mummascribbles March 3, 2017 at 10:10 pm

    You have definitely not failed. Being a SAHM is definitely not for everyone – I’m 6 months in with two kiddies and am quite often tearing my hair out! I don’t want to go back to work but I do want to find a way of working around the kids. Good luck with your new stage:) Thanks for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood March 5, 2017 at 2:35 pm

      It’s hard to get the right balance isn’t it! x

      Reply
  • softfuzzygunddog March 5, 2017 at 8:27 am

    It’s great that you know what you want/need! And even better that you will be able to do it!
    #Blogstravaganza

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood March 5, 2017 at 2:29 pm

      Thankyou! X

      Reply
  • Mom Of Two Little Girls March 5, 2017 at 8:53 am

    I think a lot of us feel like that. I would love to go back to work, unfortunately it’s just not possible for me due to visa restrictions. Blogging has helped fill the little hole that was growing bigger. You are lucky your husband is able to help. Best of luck for you and your family. xx
    #Blogstravaganza

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood March 5, 2017 at 2:29 pm

      Blogging is great to give you a sense of purpose outside of being a parent! Thankyou x

      Reply
  • Mainy - myrealfairy March 5, 2017 at 9:02 am

    What a great idea and good for you for setting the wheels in motion and following what you feel to be right. No one else knows what that is apart from you and thats all that counts. I love being a working mum, it gives my life balance and as we say in our house ‘ a happy mummy is a happy family’! *very tongue in cheek!!:) Mainy xx

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood March 5, 2017 at 2:28 pm

      So true! Thankyou! X

      Reply
  • Helen March 5, 2017 at 9:24 am

    It sounds like you’ve made a very sensible decision for your family and that’s what’s most important 🙂 #blogstravaganza

    Helen x

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood March 5, 2017 at 2:28 pm

      Thankyou x

      Reply
  • mindyourmamma March 5, 2017 at 10:04 am

    You need to be YOU. I was so stressed at work that I thought the only thing I wanted was to be at home and be with my boys. I want to be at home, but I don’t want to be ‘just their mum’. And I’m immensely grateful for them – to be their mum, but I need to be a grow up too. And there’s nothing wrong with that. One day, they’ll get it. Or their partners will 😉 Thank you for sharing. We’re all behind you! #Blogstravaganza

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood March 5, 2017 at 2:28 pm

      Ah thankyou, I completely relate to not wanting to be ‘just a mum’! X

      Reply
  • Jakijellz March 5, 2017 at 11:28 am

    You’ve certainly not failed. We need that time to be the people we used to be. I feel like I need it and I leave the house every morning and get to have the music as loud as I want. It’s tough being at home with them all the time and I believe you need that time to be you so that you can be the best Mum you can be. Enjoy your time. You’ve earned it. #blogstravaganza.

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood March 5, 2017 at 2:27 pm

      Thankyou! X

      Reply
  • itsmeanniebee March 5, 2017 at 12:07 pm

    EEEkkk Congratulations on making the step! I am a SAHM, not something I ever thought I’d be. Sometimes I wish I had a job but then given my lack of skill the only job I got would probably pay .less than childcare so it just isn’t worth it! #blogstravaganza

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood March 5, 2017 at 2:27 pm

      Thankyou! It’s such a difficult decision to make isn’t it, and childcare is crazy money! X

      Reply
  • Left Back March 5, 2017 at 12:51 pm

    I am due to go back to work and although I am dreading it I know part of me will enjoy it. #blogstravganza

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood March 5, 2017 at 2:26 pm

      I hope you get on ok! Xx

      Reply
  • pamsbakeandbabyblog March 5, 2017 at 2:50 pm

    Hope u get on ok! My blog this week is all about the decisions we face about working and raising a family so this resonated with me! #Blogstravaganza

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood March 6, 2017 at 12:56 pm

      Thankyou! I loved reading your post! Xx

      Reply
  • mums army March 5, 2017 at 3:58 pm

    That one day a week will be heaven! We all love our children more than life itself but sometimes you just need a bit of ‘me’ time. I work 3 days a week and when I am at work I feel like nicky again, not just someones mum and it makes me feel so much happier that the time we do spend as a family I look forward to, cherish and enjoy. It definitely makes me a happier mum. I hope you enjoy your new routine xx #Blogstravaganza

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood March 6, 2017 at 12:56 pm

      So true! It’s great to hear you have such a good balance, here hoping I find mine! Xx

      Reply
  • anklebitersadventures March 5, 2017 at 7:41 pm

    What a fab idea to have a you day once a week ! Your doing an amazing job hun 🙂 🙂 xx enjoy

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood March 6, 2017 at 12:57 pm

      Thankyou 😊 xx

      Reply
  • Lisa Pass The Prosecco March 5, 2017 at 7:55 pm

    Well done you, I think it’s great to find a good balance, you have to do what’s right for you xx #blogstravaganza

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood March 6, 2017 at 12:57 pm

      Thankyou xx

      Reply
  • Mrs Mummy Harris March 5, 2017 at 8:37 pm

    Can there be an eighth day of the week so I can have this day?? Im desperate for some me time on a regular basis that doesnt involve work. that is my only me time and newness of it is starting to wear off =[ #blogstravaganza

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood March 6, 2017 at 12:55 pm

      Oh that sounds like a perfect idea!! I know what you mean, some time just by yourself is bliss Xx

      Reply
  • thefrenchiemummy March 5, 2017 at 9:55 pm

    Good luck with it all! I am sure you will be fine and you have not failed at being a sahm. I felt so similar when I was on maternity leave. I used to complain that I was working too hard and all the rest of it. And after two months, I was juts bored at home and could not wait to go back to work! At the same time, some part of me was enjoying it. Now back at work part time. There are days I just love it and others when I hate finding it too much… Human beings are never satisfied! And being a SAHM is the most difficult job ever! #Blogstravaganza

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood March 8, 2017 at 11:20 am

      Thankyou! it really is difficult and I totally agree, the boredom is a killer! It sounds like you have a nice balance going on now, here’s hoping I get there! xx

      Reply
  • crummymummy1 March 6, 2017 at 11:48 am

    I’m currently on maternity leave but work full time – it’s hard work but definitely good to have something ‘else’ #twinklytuesday

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood March 6, 2017 at 12:53 pm

      It’s definitely nice to get back out there! X

      Reply
  • mummysetra March 6, 2017 at 2:50 pm

    I’m currently on maternity leave but plan to go to work full time. There is no right answer and you just have to do what works for you, your family and your work situation. Enjoy your day each week – I am planning on making sure I get some me time by using the odd annual leave day for ME! #KCACOLS

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood March 7, 2017 at 6:54 am

      You are so right, doing what’s right for our families is key. Annual leave sounds great! Xx

      Reply
  • Peachy March 8, 2017 at 5:41 pm

    It’s funny how we think we know what kind of person we are and what we want out of life until we try it out and realize how wrong we were. I always thought that I would want to get back to work. I figured I would want to be the pre-baby me as much as possible. But now I realize I’m perfectly happy having my life revolve around being a mom. If you had told me two years ago that this is the life I would chose for myself I would have told you it’s not possible. #Blogstravaganza

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood March 9, 2017 at 6:49 am

      Ah it sounds like you have gotten it just right! Thankyou! Xx

      Reply

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