Dear Diary: Accepting I’ll Never have Another Baby.

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The littlest of my babies will be one in April.  She’s hitting milestones left right and centre as she changes from baby to toddler.  She’s eating solid foods and crawling along the floor trying to keep up with her big sister.  Long gone is the tiny baby we bought home from hospital.

A huge part of me is glad that she’s growing up and becoming more independent.  She feeds herself, she sleeps at night (mostly) and she’s happy to entertain herself whilst I get on with some work.  However, there is a part of me that will miss her needing me so much.  If you’d have told me I’d have felt like this whilst in the middle of sleepless nights and whilst figuring out how I was supposed to keep two children under one alive, I really would have laughed in your face!

The bit that bothers me most is that I am 99.9% sure that I will never have another child.  I will never again spend months thinking about baby names.  I will never again see my unborn child for the first time on an ultrasound screen.  I will never again experience holding my new born baby for the first time.  All of those magical moments that happen from finding out you’re expecting will forever be a distant memory.  Honestly, that makes me a little sad.

On a more positive note I will never have to experience Hyperemesis again.  HG is one of the main reasons why I’m so sure I won’t have anymore.  I don’t feel that I have the strength to carry another child, you can read about my experience with HG here.  I also know that I would never be able to go through postnatal depression ever again.  PND bought with it some of the darkest times of my life, those places are without a doubt somewhere I never want to return.

Hubs and I have been incredibly lucky so far in this parenting game.  We have two happy and healthy girls.  Hubs works hard to provide for us and makes sure that our girls don’t miss out.  They attend play groups and toddler classes.  They eat good food and wear nice clothes, most importantly they are loved.

We have a very happy girl after @babyballetworld this afternoon! #ballet #happy

A post shared by Zoe (@thetaleofmummyhood) on

So, even though I may be a little sad that I’ll never have another baby.  I am happy that we have our two girls.  We have so much to look forward to and I intend on making sure they have the best life we can give them.

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77 Comments

  • Mom Of Two Little Girls February 13, 2017 at 8:53 am

    I honestly think that you just know when enough is enough. But unless you take steps to insure that you won’t have more babies, there’s always a 0.1% chance. Whether you view that as hope or fear. lol
    #MarvMondays

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood February 14, 2017 at 1:52 pm

      That is very true! xx

      Reply
  • PassTheProseccoPlease February 13, 2017 at 9:49 am

    Ah this is so true I feel the same, we have one and we can’t have anymore and already I feel so sad its going so fast xx ~MarvMondays

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood February 14, 2017 at 1:52 pm

      Time really does fly xx

      Reply
  • Winnettes February 13, 2017 at 1:24 pm

    Yeah I can hugely relate to this. I am done with 2 and some milestones are hard to ignore as the last time they will happen. Now my youngest is 2 I am finding more things I’m pleased I’m doing for the last time, like the terrible twos and potty training!
    #BigPinkLink

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood February 14, 2017 at 1:53 pm

      We are just starting potty training, I agree that it won’t be something i will miss! xx

      Reply
  • thismumslife February 13, 2017 at 3:21 pm

    Aaah, it’s such a tough decision… and what a lovely, heartfelt post, with some wonderful words for your girls. I identify with a lot of this-I always wanted three children, but I have finally made peace with the fact that there won’t be a third. Mainly because my husband is really enjoying the boys being the age they are-he really struggled with everything revolving around naps and all the sleepless nights. He loves the freedom now, of no naps, and doing more things with the boys like football clubs etc. And although I’m sure he’d have a third if I kept asking, I don’t think it’s right to do it unless his heart is in it 100%, which I know it isn’t. In fact, just this morning, I cleared out the last of the babygros and poppered vests, and had a good cry over the smell of them, and memories of the boys in them-I’ve held on to them for so long ‘just in case.’ But just in case is not going to happen. It’s really hard to make peace with the decision, isn’t it? Thanks for sharing with #bigpinklink

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood February 14, 2017 at 1:49 pm

      Bless you, it’s hard especially when you always imagined there would be another. It’s not always a clear cut decision, there’s definitely a lot to consider when thinking about having a baby. Here’s to our families of four!! xx

      Reply
  • Heather Keet February 14, 2017 at 7:07 am

    This is such a great post, I’m so happy you have your two girls and everyone is happy and healthy! #bigpinklink

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood February 14, 2017 at 1:46 pm

      Thankyou xx

      Reply
  • and Jacob makes three February 14, 2017 at 10:27 am

    I think its natural to feel sad about not having another, even if you are happy with what you have. It sounds like you are doing a great job with the girls. #DreamTeam

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood February 14, 2017 at 1:46 pm

      Aw thankyou xx

      Reply
  • Rhyming with Wine February 14, 2017 at 3:41 pm

    I can absolutely relate to this. It’s such a magical and precious time of life and I often ache a little bit to think that I’ll never experience that again, but despite having relatively straight forward pregnancies I just know that I’m done at two, and I feel privileged to have the two little bundles of fun that we have. Thanks for sharing with #DreamTeam x

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood February 15, 2017 at 1:47 pm

      I feel very much the same, although it may be nice I’m so happy with what we have xx

      Reply
  • Sarah Howe @runjumpscrap February 14, 2017 at 4:13 pm

    You sound like us hun. We have two gorgeous girls and I am soooo sad and keep thinking what if?? But what if another rocks the boat etc. You have to do what’s right for you. xx #twinklytuesday

    Reply
    • Sarah Howe @runjumpscrap February 15, 2017 at 8:05 am

      Thanks for sharing with #bestandworst x

      Reply
      • The Tale of Mummyhood February 15, 2017 at 1:48 pm

        Thankyou xx

        Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood February 15, 2017 at 1:46 pm

      So true, it’s a tough decision but I think we have made the right one. I’m with you on the what ifs though! xx

      Reply
  • Laura Beresford February 15, 2017 at 10:22 am

    I completely agree with you. My third will also be 1 in April and my partner definitely doesn’t want any more. I am disappointed but not heartbroken. There are lots of things I won’t miss about being pregnant or having a new baby but the end result is so incredible, maybe my heart is a little bit broken :'( #BestandWorst

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood February 15, 2017 at 1:45 pm

      Oh bless you, it’s such a tough decision 🙁 xx

      Reply
  • diynige February 15, 2017 at 8:46 pm

    Lovely post we have talked about having more but if I’m honest we will most stick with our twin girls like you I guess we just know great read and beautiful photos #bestandworst

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood February 18, 2017 at 1:17 pm

      Thankyou xx

      Reply
  • Helen @Talking_Mums February 15, 2017 at 9:29 pm

    I feel the same, I’m so lucky to have two happy healthy children. There is a part of me not ready to say ‘I’m done’ but I think we probably are! x
    #DreamTeam

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood February 18, 2017 at 1:16 pm

      It’s tough isn’t it! xx

      Reply
  • pamsbakeandbabyblog February 16, 2017 at 8:00 am

    Such a tough decision. Much love #StayClassyMama

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood February 18, 2017 at 1:15 pm

      Thankyou xx

      Reply
  • slugs snails and parenting fails February 16, 2017 at 8:20 am

    As a mother who curses children regularly but for some reason would eternally continue to have more and more if the bank balance allowed I can relate to this. My partner Is 100% sure we are done having babies, I’m 95% sure a percentage that drops daily as my now nearly two year old *sob* grows! #stqyclassymama

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood February 18, 2017 at 1:15 pm

      Ah bless you! xx

      Reply
  • The Squirmy Popple February 16, 2017 at 12:34 pm

    I’m not sure if I ever want to have another child, but I get kind of wistful about the possibility of never having another baby too – even though pregnancy and the newborn stages are HARD. #stayclassymama

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood February 18, 2017 at 1:14 pm

      It’s definitely not an easy decsion xx

      Reply
  • Alana - Burnished Chaoslbc February 17, 2017 at 11:25 am

    I can relate to this. We always wanted a large family but after 10 years we have just the two and I’ve been advised not to have anymore (my csection scar from my first ruptured with my second). I am beyond grateful for the two we have and despite always wanting a big family I am happy. I do still get a little broody at the sight of a newborn though x
    #DreamTeam

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood February 18, 2017 at 1:10 pm

      Oh bless you, itmust be difficult when the decision is taken out of your hands xx

      Reply
  • Lisa (mummascribbles) February 18, 2017 at 10:18 am

    This is so hard. I’m in the same position, I think Oscar will be our last and it’s a sad thought. I’ll keep my fingers crossed that I get to experience again! Thanks for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood February 18, 2017 at 1:09 pm

      Your so right, it’s a really tought decision! xx

      Reply
  • Kerry February 19, 2017 at 7:29 am

    I’m facing this at the moment, although it’s my partner that doesn’t want another child (mostly due to his age), and I find myself getting a bit upset that I may never be pregnant again. However our daughter (nearly 3) said that she’d love a baby brother the other day and he didn’t dismiss it so who knows! #blogstravaganza

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood February 20, 2017 at 7:03 am

      Ah bless him, she sounds like she’s wearing him down! Xx

      Reply
  • anklebitersadventures February 19, 2017 at 8:06 am

    I feel the same my partner had a vasectomy when my youngest was 5 months she is 2 next month and my eldest is 3 – they both had severe milk allergies and cold not go through that again – but I am sad especially now my youngest is growing so quickly – big hugs #Blogstravaganza

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood February 20, 2017 at 7:02 am

      It’s so difficult anyway, worse when they have such severe allergies. They definitely grow up to quickly xx

      Reply
  • Jakijellz February 19, 2017 at 8:09 am

    I always thought I’d know if I wanted a second. Little Man is 4 now & I still don’t know. I feel quite unsettled by it at times, time is ticking, I know, but I feel if I really wanted another one I’d know with certainty. #blogstravaganza

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood February 20, 2017 at 7:01 am

      It’s such a big decision, another baby is huge! Xx

      Reply
  • kerry February 19, 2017 at 8:17 am

    I know exactly how you feel, I suffered also from H.G and it was the worst experience of my life, my little boy at the time was heart broken with having to see his mummy constantly on the toilet floor! I was in and out of hospital on drips and I would never go back their again! People just don’t understand it and say its a “bad” morning sickness, which makes me so angry!

    #blogstravaganza

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood February 20, 2017 at 7:01 am

      Bless you, HG is just awful. It makes me angry too, if you haven’t suffered you can’t begin to imagine what it’s like xx

      Reply
  • Helen @talking_mums February 19, 2017 at 8:39 am

    It’s a special time of life and one that is hard to consider leaving behind! I just try and focus on all the fun times ahead, new chapters with them growing up x #blogstravaganza

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood February 20, 2017 at 7:00 am

      That’s the best way to do it! Xx

      Reply
  • pamsbakeandbabyblog February 19, 2017 at 8:40 am

    Had to double check it wasn’t me who had written that! Our youngest is also 1 in April and has to be our last as my sickness theoughout pregnancy was so debilitating that I couldn’t put us all through it again. It is sad when you see them reaching milestones you know you won’t see again. I just have to think of all the new ones that are to come! Lovely post. #Blogstravaganza

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood February 20, 2017 at 7:00 am

      Haha I’m glad you could relate! It’s just horrific when you are that sick. You’re so right we have so many amazing milestones to come! Xx

      Reply
  • Making Little People February 19, 2017 at 9:36 am

    Lovely post. I think that decision not to have any more is such a tough one! Do you make it and spend time really acknowledging that each milestone is the last, or do you let them slide by and then just look back?! I remember my decision to stop breast feeding my first and crying after the last feed. It was insane! I had decided! The silly thing is I know I’ll do the same with my second! #blogstravaganza

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood February 20, 2017 at 6:59 am

      It’s so difficult isn’t it, I’ve been known to cry when I know it’s the last time! Xx

      Reply
  • itsmeanniebee February 19, 2017 at 10:57 am

    I hear you! Sometimes I catch myself thinking ‘maybe just one more’ but in reality I don’t think i would cope. I just miss being pregnant sometimes. Being just fat isn’t quite the same 😉 #blogstravaganza

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood February 20, 2017 at 6:58 am

      Here here to that! Xx

      Reply
  • Tee 💜 February 19, 2017 at 11:28 am

    I’ve heard HG is awful so I can imagine why it’s put you off! I’ve never really thought of it like this though and it’s quite sad! But hopefully you’ll get to experience your children have their children – all the perks with none of negatives! 🙂

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood February 20, 2017 at 6:58 am

      That does sound like a good plan! Thankyou xx

      Reply
  • softfuzzygunddog February 19, 2017 at 11:33 am

    I’m 34weeks with my second and my insane-baby-brain keeps telling itself that I should have another. Or maybe two more. Who knows? I know it can be done, of course. My mom raised 4 girls (5yrs apart old-young) almost completely by herself. But really, brain?? You don’t even know what two-under-two will be like yet! Hush!

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood February 20, 2017 at 6:58 am

      Haha, I was like that when I had my first! I think you just know if you’ll be having more! Xx

      Reply
  • Becki February 19, 2017 at 1:32 pm

    It does fly by doesn’t it. We’re still discussing having a second, but I can’t see us having any more after that, even though we always wanted 3. I had an ovary removed 18 months ago so I’m not sure how easy it will be to have another either 🙁 #blogstravaganza

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood February 20, 2017 at 6:57 am

      Oh bless you, I’m keeping my fingers crossed it’s plain sailing for you! Time really does fly! Xx

      Reply
  • Left Back February 19, 2017 at 4:33 pm

    We’re in the same boat my husband had told me we can only have another baby if we win the lottery. #Blogstravaganza

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood February 20, 2017 at 6:56 am

      I big win wood be nice! Xx

      Reply
  • mums army February 19, 2017 at 6:06 pm

    I am in the same position, I have two happy healthy boys and will be 40 next year. I do not want any more children 100% as I dont think I would have the physical energy or the emotional strength to have one! But just sometimes I think what if? and I know that in 10 years time when I am well and truly out of any baby/toddler stage I will say to myself I should of had more! x #Blogstravaganza

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood February 20, 2017 at 6:56 am

      There’s always that niggle at the back of your mind isn’t there! Xx

      Reply
  • mindyourmamma February 19, 2017 at 8:10 pm

    Wow – you are a very strong mummy! HG, PND and 2 under one’s? You are amazing! I do relate to the sad feeling of not having anymore.. You do want them to grow up a little, and I’m in that phase when I really appreciate that they’re a little older now. Also enjoying giving a lot of baby items away. But it is a tiny bit sad too 🙁 #Blogstravaganza

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood February 20, 2017 at 6:56 am

      I don’t know about that, but thankyou! There are so many mixed emotions! Xx

      Reply
  • PassTheProseccoPlease February 19, 2017 at 8:27 pm

    Hugs, I’m stopping at one and the decision isn’t mine, but its all good xx #blogstravaganza

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood February 20, 2017 at 6:55 am

      Aw glad it’s all good, thankyou xx

      Reply
  • Peachy February 20, 2017 at 7:45 am

    As our babies grow eras come to an end and that is a little bit sad. But as one era ends another one begins and it is a new stage in parenthood that brings with it exciting experiences and new adventures. Our little ones are still little (Peachy is 14 motnhs old) and our journey is really just beginning. Look forward instead of looking back. Spending too much time thinking about what was takes away from the here and now. #Blogstravaganza

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood February 20, 2017 at 8:33 pm

      Thankyou xx

      Reply
  • Naptime Natter Wendy February 20, 2017 at 3:29 pm

    Ahh I know how you feel. We have 2 and my husband is sure he doesn’t want more but there is a part of me that would love another and isn’t quite ready to accept I won’t ever be pregnant again. It’s such a tough decision!xx #dreamteam

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood February 20, 2017 at 8:33 pm

      It’s so tough!! Xx

      Reply
  • crummymummy1 February 20, 2017 at 3:33 pm

    I’m feeling like this & my youngest is only 6 days old! I’m pretty sure she’ll be my last baby and am already so aware we provably won’t do each little thing we’re doing right now again… #bestandworst

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood February 20, 2017 at 8:32 pm

      Aw congratulations! Enjoy it! Xx

      Reply
  • Jade the parenting jungle February 20, 2017 at 4:08 pm

    Oh love you, your children are beautiful and whilst it is such a bittersweet transition accepting that you may not have more you must be so proud of what you have achieved. My best friend has 2 HG pregnancies, the last one was brutal and her and her partner have said never again, but she has an extra triumph when she looks at her gorgeous girls in that she overcame starvation to bring them into this world! Enjoy every moment! Thank you for linking to #stayclassymama xx

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood February 20, 2017 at 8:32 pm

      Thankyou for such a lovely comment xx

      Reply
  • Mrs Mummy Harris February 20, 2017 at 7:22 pm

    I initially wanted four kids, hubby didnt want any so we compromised with the idea of two, but with my PND I told him Ben will be the one and only. Rather that 100% im now about 75% sure and still too’ing and fro’ing. It is definately such a hard decision to make!! #blogstravaganza

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood February 20, 2017 at 8:32 pm

      Oh bless you, PND is definitely a game changer. It is really tough xx

      Reply
  • Autumn's Mummy February 20, 2017 at 11:38 pm

    I can completely understand why HG and PND have put you off. However, it is a lot to take in – pregnancy and labour, then looking after a baby is such hard work! Yet seeing them on the screen, thinking of names and shopping for them etc. is just so magical! #Blogstravaganza

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood February 21, 2017 at 8:15 am

      Thankyou xx

      Reply
  • Sinéad (shinnersandthebrood.com) February 21, 2017 at 10:42 am

    She is a little treasure. It’s never an easy decision to make and sometimes we don’t even have the choice. Like most of the other commenters and you of course, I’m so grateful for my kiddos. I know I’m done though. No more here! #Blogstravaganza.

    Reply

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