The littlest of my babies will be one in April. She’s hitting milestones left right and centre as she changes from baby to toddler. She’s eating solid foods and crawling along the floor trying to keep up with her big sister. Long gone is the tiny baby we bought home from hospital.
A huge part of me is glad that she’s growing up and becoming more independent. She feeds herself, she sleeps at night (mostly) and she’s happy to entertain herself whilst I get on with some work. However, there is a part of me that will miss her needing me so much. If you’d have told me I’d have felt like this whilst in the middle of sleepless nights and whilst figuring out how I was supposed to keep two children under one alive, I really would have laughed in your face!
The bit that bothers me most is that I am 99.9% sure that I will never have another child. I will never again spend months thinking about baby names. I will never again see my unborn child for the first time on an ultrasound screen. I will never again experience holding my new born baby for the first time. All of those magical moments that happen from finding out you’re expecting will forever be a distant memory. Honestly, that makes me a little sad.
On a more positive note I will never have to experience Hyperemesis again. HG is one of the main reasons why I’m so sure I won’t have anymore. I don’t feel that I have the strength to carry another child, you can read about my experience with HG here. I also know that I would never be able to go through postnatal depression ever again. PND bought with it some of the darkest times of my life, those places are without a doubt somewhere I never want to return.
Hubs and I have been incredibly lucky so far in this parenting game. We have two happy and healthy girls. Hubs works hard to provide for us and makes sure that our girls don’t miss out. They attend play groups and toddler classes. They eat good food and wear nice clothes, most importantly they are loved.
So, even though I may be a little sad that I’ll never have another baby. I am happy that we have our two girls. We have so much to look forward to and I intend on making sure they have the best life we can give them.