SAHM vs. Working Mum

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Confidence. Some people have it in bucket loads. Some people hardly have any.  Many are good at pretending they have it. Others shy away and hide when they feel it lacking.

In my world confidence comes and goes. Some days I am so sure I am on the right track – it is on these days that I am truly me. On other days I question myself, I feel intimidated and I shy away.  I let the world pass me by – it is on these days that I am betraying myself.

Lacking in confidence, an inability to see ones worth and to believe our own unique voice is treachery, it is faithlessness.

Sitting in the shadows, having our decsions made for us.  Going along with the daily grind according to another does not have to cloud our existence.

Self-confidence is a skill, it can be practiced and instilled in our minds.  Sounds easy doesn’t it?  I wish it was, I wish I could flick a switch and be that person all of the time instead of just some of the time.

There are a few areas in my life where I feel like I’m constantly lacking in confidence.  One day I am so sure of my next move, then the wind changes and so does my mind.

My main area of concern is my work situation.  I had always imaged that when the time came I would become a stay at home mum.  I would be the stereotypical house person, in a content routine of cleaning, cooking and taking care of my brood.  I have previously written about how difficult the reality is, at that time I wrote that I would get used to it.  I would come to terms with the change in my identity and emerge as super mum!

Reality hit.  I have come to realise that my dream is not actually what I want.  The declarations I made and paths I have taken haven’t all been right for me. I was wrong, there I said it, but that’s OK.  It’s OK to change your mind.  It’s OK to turn around and take a different path.  I tried my hardest to make it happen, but being a SAHM with no work at all just isn’t for me.

Having the confidence to admit that I was wrong is the first step.  I am learning to believe in myself, I am listening to my inner voice.  People will judge me for ‘leaving the children’ to go back to work.  Just as people have judged me for ‘staying at home and not doing anything’ with my life.  These people are irrelevant.

Dreams can change, especially when the reality isn’t as we had imagined.  As my confidence grows my limitations recede.  I intend to make the best life for my family and here is where I begin.

Maybe I will return to work outside of the home, or maybe I will work from home. I am lucky enough to be able to choose the type of work I want to do, as well as the amount hours that I wish to do it.

It feels empowering to have made this decision, to know that I am in charge of my own destiny.

 

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65 Comments

  • Angela Watling September 25, 2016 at 1:22 pm

    A brilliant post and well done you for making a decision. No-one should judge you for leaving your children at all. People stay at home, people work part-time and people work full-time. It’s all about what works for you. If you are not happy at home all the time then you won’t be the best Mum you can be. My daughter goes to nursery 3 days a week and LOVES it. I could never stop her going now even if I got sick of work 😉 Good luck with your next step #fortheloveofBLOG

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood September 26, 2016 at 11:27 am

      It sounds like you have a really good routine! I think nursery does our children the power of good – they learn so much! Thankyou for such a lovely comment x

      Reply
  • Over Heaven's Hill September 26, 2016 at 10:35 am

    Its good to be able to admit when you’re not happy with the path your life has taken because thats when you can change it and find the right path for you. Go for it. You can do it #anythinggoes

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood September 26, 2016 at 11:24 am

      So true, admitting it is the first step, now to get stuck in! Thankyou x

      Reply
  • Lindsay September 26, 2016 at 10:37 am

    I’m a stay at home mum and have been for the last 4 years and am just starting to think about going back to work. You have to do what’s right for you and there’s nothing wrong with changing your mind or trying something different.
    #Marvmondays

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood September 26, 2016 at 11:23 am

      Sometimes it’s so hard to get the right balance isn’t it! It sounds like you have it sorted though, thanks for stopping by x

      Reply
  • Kirsten Toyne September 26, 2016 at 12:25 pm

    It is really great to hear that you are listening to yourself. We make better parents when we also see to our own needs. Changing your mind is an essential part of growth and learning. Great post #mg

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood September 26, 2016 at 12:57 pm

      Thankyou 🙂 x

      Reply
  • Rainbows are too beautiful September 26, 2016 at 1:19 pm

    I don’t have much confidence I don’t think, but then I do things sometmes as if I did. Got to do what’s right for you and your family! #marvmondays

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood September 26, 2016 at 1:29 pm

      I know what you mean, half of the time we are good at acting like we have it! Thanks for stopping by x

      Reply
  • tinmccarthy September 26, 2016 at 3:18 pm

    Good for you! I had such a difficult time deicing whether or not I wanted to stay home or continue teaching and who knows what the future holds. I am ok with just walking through life and letting life figure out me. Stop by my parenting humor blog http://www.fourprincessesandthecheese.com I think you need a mommy chuckle 🙂

    #anythinggoes

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood September 26, 2016 at 7:53 pm

      It hard to get it right isn’t! It sounds like you have it sorted, thanks for stopping by x

      Reply
  • Emily September 26, 2016 at 5:46 pm

    Fantastic post, I think people think being a SAHM is a barrel of laughs, and athough I’ve never been one, maternity leave by the end feels so lonely to me that I just know it isn’t for me. Well done on trusting your instincts xxx

    #MarvMondays

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood September 26, 2016 at 7:54 pm

      It can get really lonely, getting a good balance is so difficult. Thankyou x

      Reply
  • Lisa@IntoTheGlade September 26, 2016 at 7:52 pm

    It is so empowering to have made such a decision!! I had to go back to work with my first daughter and then stayed at home with my second daughter until she was 3, when she went to pre school and I went back to work. I honestly think my eldest daughter was the winner, nursery gave her such a great start and confidence from an early age – and I appreciated our time together so much more. You have obviously given this decision such a lot of thought and consideration, I wish you the very best of luck with your plans xx #mg

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood September 26, 2016 at 7:55 pm

      I totally agree, I really believe that nursery is so beneficial to them! Thankyou so much for such a lovely comment x

      Reply
  • organisedjo September 26, 2016 at 8:18 pm

    Great post. It is a hard decision to make, and you have been very open and honest. I remember knowing a few months into being off on maternity leave that I couldn’t stay at home all the time. Even though being back at work can be hard, full or part time, I feel I have found a balance. #MarvMondays

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood September 27, 2016 at 11:02 am

      Its so good that you have found a balance that suits you and your family. Thankyou for your lovely comment x

      Reply
  • min1980 September 26, 2016 at 8:53 pm

    Best of luck with whatever you choose to do. Whatever decision you make will be the right one for you and your family, and if it isn’t, nothing is forever. I’ve always worked full time, and it’s fine. #MarvMondays

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood September 27, 2016 at 11:06 am

      Thankyou x

      Reply
  • Rambles, Rants, Writings September 27, 2016 at 12:17 am

    I was the same as you! I love motherhood but it wasn’t enough, I’m a worker. Over the last 5 years I’ve worked from home part-time, and I’ve studied for two degrees, just beginning to study for my sixth year, but this time it’s a teaching qualification. My youngest has just started school and it’s an ideal time for me! I too feel empowered as I have options. I work from home teaching and assessing currently, but I also do some freelance writing work too! My children absolutely loved nursery and I felt they were so much more social and confident around other children as a result. You make the decision for you because you will never please anyone else. I feel like I’m a better Mother because I work and study, as if I was at home being a housewife and Mum all day, I think I would go insane! Good luck and thanks for linking up to #AnythingGoes 🙂

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood September 27, 2016 at 11:12 am

      I love this comment! It sounds like you have worked so hard. I totally agree about nursery , it can be so beneficial. Good luck with your next year of study x

      Reply
  • Samsam - Simply A Mama September 27, 2016 at 7:55 am

    I can relate to your post, personally reality has hit many times… it was not as my expectation and that is totally OK as you mentioned in your post. #dreamteam

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood September 27, 2016 at 11:13 am

      It’s so nice to know we are not alone, thanks for stopping by x

      Reply
  • Muma on the Edge September 27, 2016 at 9:44 am

    I love this so much!
    especially this bit:
    “Dreams can change, especially when the reality isn’t as we had imagined. As my confidence grows my limitations recede. I intend to make the best life for my family and here is where I begin.”
    Best line I have read in a post for a long time.
    Here’s to you, here’s to us.
    Big love, L
    xx
    #twinklytuesday

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood September 27, 2016 at 11:16 am

      What an amazing comment, thankyou so much!! xx

      Reply
  • toyinfinity September 27, 2016 at 9:48 am

    I really think if you’re happy, your kids are happy. If every Mum did what feels right to them without worrying about other people we’d benefit a great deal from it. Good luck with finding the work path you’re meant to take.

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood September 27, 2016 at 11:17 am

      So, so true!! Thankyou x

      Reply
  • winnettes September 27, 2016 at 7:40 pm

    I struggle with being a SAHM. I find that if my confidence is knocked then I find it easier to hide away which makes it worse. I miss earning money. Not necessarily for myself but just to contribute. The flip side is we aren’t paying for childcare whilst I’m at home so in a way I guess I do contribute but it’s hard for me to appreciate that. I get it. I think if I could, and as soon as I realistically can, I will do some form of work again. It keeps me sane! There is no wrong choice, it’s what right for you and your family that matters. If working makes you happier then that’s the right thing. An unhappy mummy will make an unhappy family.
    #BigPinkLink

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood September 29, 2016 at 11:53 am

      It’s like you have taken the words right out of my mouth. Thankyou so much for stopping by x

      Reply
  • Kat September 28, 2016 at 5:48 am

    Happy mum makes happy kids and if that means changing your routine and working then absolutely good for you! I went back to work full time because I needed it, I couldn’t just be at home all the time with my daughter, it’s not me, it wasn’t right, I needed to be challenged and to meet other people! Now I’m a working at home mum as my daughter goes to school, which is the right balance for us because we have time apart and no childcare bills!
    #bigpinklink

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood September 29, 2016 at 11:52 am

      It’s sounds like you have a good balance for you and your family! Thanks for stopping by x

      Reply
  • Obsessivemom September 28, 2016 at 6:01 am

    Glad you made the decision to follow your dream. That’s what one should do irrespective of what people say. One can never please everyone. If you’re a working mum you ‘ignore your kids’ if you’re not you’re ‘just a stay at home mum’. Either way there will always be someone to find fault with you. #mg

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood September 29, 2016 at 11:51 am

      So true! Thankyou x

      Reply
  • ljdove23 September 28, 2016 at 8:31 am

    I’ve been a SAHM mum for five years now and it’s what works best for us. I have my blog, and I write on the side, but my “job” as such is making memories with my children. #bestandworst

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood September 29, 2016 at 11:50 am

      So glad you have found your calling, thanks for stopping by x

      Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood September 29, 2016 at 11:50 am

      So glad you have found your calling, thanks for stopping by x

      Reply
  • Coombe Mill September 28, 2016 at 9:47 am

    Sounds like the right decision for you which will be the right decision full stop. I hope everything works out just as you hope. #Best&Worst

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood September 29, 2016 at 11:49 am

      Thankyou! x

      Reply
  • thismumslife September 28, 2016 at 3:27 pm

    This is fabulous!! It is so hard to make decisions involving your family, especially when there are so many opinions out there regarding the ‘right’ decision. Like you say, anyone else’s opinions are completely irrelevant, and it sounds like you’ve found a lovely peace, and happiness with your decision. I often regret becoming a SAHM, but I’m still not in a position to be able to go back to work. Like you, admitting that it wasn’t as wonderful as I thought it’d be, has been so hard! But admitting it, and not pretending otherwise (which I did for a very long time!) has been liberating!!
    #bigpinklink

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood September 29, 2016 at 11:49 am

      Ah I’m so glad it has made you feel better to admit it too! I’m not yet back at work, there are a few barriers that are difficult to get around. My Husband works for the ambulance service so does crazy shifts. Childcare would be a big issue, but know I feel like I have some direction and something to work towards! I hope you get there soon! Thanks for stopping by x

      Reply
  • Louise September 28, 2016 at 7:42 pm

    As lovely as it sounds, I just don’t think I could be a SAHM. I think I would miss the adult company and just a bit of a break! #bloggerclubuk

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood September 29, 2016 at 11:46 am

      My sentiments exactly – time at work makes such a difference! x

      Reply
  • Topfivemum September 28, 2016 at 9:30 pm

    Oh my goodness, if I could ask for or give one gift to anyone it would be he gift of confidence. I certainly don’t have it either, but it’s getting (slightly) better with age. Knowing what’s right for you and yours is the main thing and speaking out loud makes it more real, so now you’ll be empowered to do what you have probably known deep down for a while. And only a fool never hanged his mind (this is my hubby’s motto in life. He wanted no kids, then we had one and he said no more. Now we have two…) LOL. Go for it girl, no regrets! #twinklytuesday

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood September 29, 2016 at 11:45 am

      Ah brilliant comment, thankyou! x

      Reply
  • My Petit Canard September 29, 2016 at 12:24 am

    Good for you! I remember having a similar experience during my first maternity leave. I thought being a SAHM was living the dream, but then I realised that it wasnt really me, I wasnt really cut out to SAH with the baby all day everyday and that I missed work and my career. I hope youre enjoying being back at work, there are definitely pros and cons to both! Emily #BloggerClubUK

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood September 29, 2016 at 11:44 am

      Thankyou, funny how everything pans out isn’t it! x

      Reply
  • mummyhereandthere September 29, 2016 at 4:44 pm

    Confidence is definately a skill and something I am absoutely poo at. It is OK to change your mind, nothing is in cement! You do what makes you and your family happy X #bestandworst

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood September 30, 2016 at 1:27 pm

      Ah bless you, you and me both! Thanks for stopping by x

      Reply
  • Dave - Dad's Turn September 30, 2016 at 8:35 am

    Great post and I hope more will read it. Being a SAHP is a lot of effort, little reward, and may not be the right path for a lot of people who feel they should do it. Neither my wife nor I could do it for a very long time. Thanks for having the courage to speak out!
    #BestandWorst

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood September 30, 2016 at 1:26 pm

      Thankyou! x

      Reply
  • A Mum Track Mind (@amumtrackmind) September 30, 2016 at 9:00 pm

    Good for you in identifying what you do want to do. Ignore other people’s opinions, they are irrelevant in this instance. You are the one who needs to be happy with your decisions and that’s whats important. Good luck! #fortheloveofBLOG

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood October 1, 2016 at 7:29 am

      So true, thankyou! x

      Reply
  • helen gandy September 30, 2016 at 9:16 pm

    Decision making can be so hard but well done you for making the right one for you. Lovely post and thanks for linking up #bestandworst

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood October 1, 2016 at 7:29 am

      Thankyou x

      Reply
  • mackenzieglanville October 1, 2016 at 8:08 am

    I love how you say dreams can change. It is so true that when things turn out different to how we imagined then sometimes we want what we didn’t expect to want. #mg

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood October 1, 2016 at 11:19 am

      Lovely comment, thankyou x

      Reply
  • bridiebythesea October 1, 2016 at 6:38 pm

    You’ve done a fabulous thing by admitting to yourself that you aren’t happy with the path you have taken…that takes courage. I am with you on the confidence thing, I have recently started a new job and I can feel by confidence rocking, when actually I know I am very good at my job. I find it hard to believe in myself when it feels like you are being tested…hope it works out for you 🙂 Thanks for linking up to #dreamteam x

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood October 2, 2016 at 12:10 pm

      Thankyou! Lots of luck in your new job! x

      Reply
  • Jaylan - Diapers at Dawn October 2, 2016 at 1:15 pm

    To be able to say that you’ve changed your mind and want to go back to work is a huge step, anyone who questions your decision to go back to work can take a run and jump! x #BloggerClubUK

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood October 3, 2016 at 8:17 am

      Very well said, thankyou! x

      Reply
  • Lisa Cornwell October 2, 2016 at 7:36 pm

    It’s very brave of you to have written this but I think it’s a decision that many people will have made over the years – you are definitely not alone! I’m about to start the journey of mum of two on maternity leave now the other half is heading back to work and I don’t know how I’m going to be. My dream is to be home with the children but I know the reality is really bloody hard! Thanks for linking up with TwinklyTuesday!

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood October 3, 2016 at 8:16 am

      It is hard, but if that’s what you want its totally worth it! Thanks for stopping by x

      Reply
  • Galactagogue Mom October 24, 2016 at 8:00 am

    I am normally a very confident person but there are moments when I waiver or question my abilities. And these are the times when I get more clarity.

    Reply
    • The Tale of Mummyhood October 24, 2016 at 6:39 pm

      That so true, sometimes it gives you the space to put things into perspective x

      Reply

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