In my world confidence comes and goes. Some days I am so sure I am on the right track – it is on these days that I am truly me. On other days I question myself, I feel intimidated and I shy away. I let the world pass me by – it is on these days that I am betraying myself.
Lacking in confidence, an inability to see ones worth and to believe our own unique voice is treachery, it is faithlessness.
Sitting in the shadows, having our decsions made for us. Going along with the daily grind according to another does not have to cloud our existence.
Self-confidence is a skill, it can be practiced and instilled in our minds. Sounds easy doesn’t it? I wish it was, I wish I could flick a switch and be that person all of the time instead of just some of the time.
There are a few areas in my life where I feel like I’m constantly lacking in confidence. One day I am so sure of my next move, then the wind changes and so does my mind.
My main area of concern is my work situation. I had always imaged that when the time came I would become a stay at home mum. I would be the stereotypical house person, in a content routine of cleaning, cooking and taking care of my brood. I have previously written about how difficult the reality is, at that time I wrote that I would get used to it. I would come to terms with the change in my identity and emerge as super mum!
Reality hit. I have come to realise that my dream is not actually what I want. The declarations I made and paths I have taken haven’t all been right for me. I was wrong, there I said it, but that’s OK. It’s OK to change your mind. It’s OK to turn around and take a different path. I tried my hardest to make it happen, but being a SAHM with no work at all just isn’t for me.
Having the confidence to admit that I was wrong is the first step. I am learning to believe in myself, I am listening to my inner voice. People will judge me for ‘leaving the children’ to go back to work. Just as people have judged me for ‘staying at home and not doing anything’ with my life. These people are irrelevant.
Dreams can change, especially when the reality isn’t as we had imagined. As my confidence grows my limitations recede. I intend to make the best life for my family and here is where I begin.
Maybe I will return to work outside of the home, or maybe I will work from home. I am lucky enough to be able to choose the type of work I want to do, as well as the amount hours that I wish to do it.
It feels empowering to have made this decision, to know that I am in charge of my own destiny.